


Tags

by yasminakohl



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Steve Rogers, Bottom Tony Stark, Dog Tags, Established Relationship, M/M, Mortality, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Not Iron Man 3 Compliant, Not Thor: The Dark World Compliant, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Steve Feels, Tony Feels, Top Steve, Top Tony
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-02-23 22:50:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 28,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2558615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yasminakohl/pseuds/yasminakohl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They all noticed it from time to time, but it never dawns in any of them what it meant, or that it should even mean anything.</p><p>It showed up about six months after The Avengers moved in to Starks Tower. </p><p>It, was something blocking the light from Tony's reactor. Wasn't large, not much bigger than a fifty cent piece. </p><p>If any of them had thought about it, they passed off as something Pepper had given him but then they found out Tony and Pepper had split about the time The Avengers moved into the tower.  But none of them knew that because Tony never said anything and Pepper was still showing up, still brow beating Tony into doing Stark Industries business. But then as CEO that would still be her job.</p><p>It all looked the same. There were never any girls and they all knew Tony wouldn't deny his sexual appetite. So even though Tony was around two master assassins, another certified genius, a demigod (though not all knowing) and a super solider, none of them mentioned it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

They all noticed it from time to time, but it never dawns in any of them what it meant, or that it should even mean anything.

It showed up about six months after The Avengers moved in to Starks Tower. 

It, was something blocking the light from Tony's reactor. Wasn't large, not much bigger than a fifty cent piece. 

If any of them had thought about it, they passed off as something Pepper had given him but then they found out Tony and Pepper had split about the time The Avengers moved into the tower. But none of them knew that because Tony never said anything and Pepper was still showing up, still brow beating Tony into doing Stark Industries business. But then as CEO that would still be her job.

It all looked the same. There were never any girls and they all knew Tony wouldn't deny his sexual appetite. So even though Tony was around two master assassins, another certified genius, a demigod (though not all knowing) and a super solider, none of them mentioned it.

 

Thump clack *Groan*

"What the fuck was that Stark?" 

"You throwing me to the mat again, Romanov." Tony only used their last names when he was upset with them. 

"No the-" Natasha was interrupted by Bruce popping his head into the gym. 

"Lunch is uh ready."

"Sweet, starving." Tony scrambled up, his hand over his reactor. 

"Tony!"

"What, hungry and sweaty, save me food."

Before Natasha could try again Tony was in the elevator and gone, she shook her head and grabbed a towel. 

At the table she waited for Tony to show up, when he finally did he was dressed with a tank top and a hoodie. In a flash she had the hoodie unzipped and tank top pulled down.

"Ahhh. Bad touch bad touch. Red light...do you guys see this I feel violated."

Bruce shook his head, Clint smirked, Thor looked confused and Steve just stared.

"Damn it Tony, you had something on earlier that hit your reactor, when I flipped you."  
"No I didn't."

"Yes you do."

"Didn't."

"Did."

"Didn't"

"Oh my god I'm not getting into a fight with a toddler." And she stormed off.

Tony grinned and sat down at the table, adjusting the zipper. "I'm going to die later aren't I?" He said with a sigh.

Three men answered "Yep" and one god answered "Verily."

"Shit."

 

Tony locked himself in the lab for a few hours hoping that she would forget it and he would live to see tomorrow. He figured to help that possible future he would work on a spiffy new toy for her. Little stun grenades that worked like her Bites.

"Spiffy? God I've been hanging out with Steve to much."

"Lost the silencer again didn't you?"

"Shit Fuck Damn it Steve. Don't do that. I have a heart-"

"I know you have a heart Tony."

"Thing...oh ha ha very funny. You've even seen it for real."

Steve shivered at that thought. Before Tony had the surgery to remove the shrapnel from his heart is reactor had been jarred loose in a surprise attack. He had been knocked out instantly and Steve had to call Jarvis to find out how to fix it, in the middle of a battle. Trying to line it up with it's lock meant pulling it free and rotating it. He watched Tony's heart beat for a few precious seconds and then returned the reactor.

After the surgery Tony had tried to use the suit with an external reactor like Rhodie but found he was constantly tired. He had come dependent on the reactor for additional energy. The withdrawals was something no one, including Tony or Jarvis had taken into effect. In his diminished state he couldn't fight. About a week after that realization he had a new shallower reactor in his chest again. It provided him with the extra energy he needed but didn't affect his heart.

Steve had missed the glow in those few weeks of Tony healing and struggling. It hadn't been his place to say anything though.

"The silencer came off again didn't it?"

Tony pulled the beaded chain out from under his shirt. "Yeah, dogtag's from the 1940's are a different size. I uh just printed some that should fit better."

Steve picked up the dogtags he no longer wore. He smiled, one rubberized gasket was red and gold molted, the other red white and blue. "We didn't have things like this. We would tape them together or well some of the guys gave one to their gals back home. Against the regs but no one ever said anything."

"I know they taped them later to...they didn't thing about the silencer till much later. Dumb really. Bunch of guys running around clacking all the time. Yeah real stealthy."

"Tony." Steve only had to say Tony's name to stop one of his rants. "You know she's not going to stop bugging you."

"I know."

Steve sighed, he was the one that asked to keep their relationship quiet. Not because of being ashamed, or any of that other nonsense. He wanted time with Tony, to get to know him better, he just wanted time. He was afraid if the others knew they would try and infringe on that with team outings and try and get him and Tony out on dates...and he just wanted to go slow.

"Why does it seem I can never get enough time?" Steve asked softly, his arms pulling Tony into a hug.

"We don't have to tell her. I won't wear them for a while."

Steve shook his head, "I like seeing them on you."

"You only see them at night. I'll put them on before bed."

Steve laid his cheek on Tony's head. "No they're our friends and team. They should know. You know its not that I don't want them to know, right? I'm very happy being with you. Maybe I'm being selfish. I don't want to share us with anyone. Besides I love knowing their laying on your heart." 

Steve leaned back and slipped the tags back under Tony's shirt and put his hand over them and the reactor.

Tony pulled Steve down for a kiss. Steve walked them backwards till they ran into Tony's workbench and lifted the slighter man on to it.

Tony groaned, he had a love/hate relationship with Steve's strength. Hold him down and fucking him into oblivion, love. Picking him up like a toddler, hate. 

"Sssorrry." Steve mumbled into the kiss he refused to break. Tony accepted it by pulling Steve's hips forward and wrapping his legs around them.  
Steve popped the button on Tony's jeans and pulled at the zipper. "Damn you're getting pretty good at that Cap."

It was Steve's turn to growl, he didn't like his title being used in the middle of sex.

"I know I know, but I love the way you growl. Caaaap."

Steve pulled Tony's shirt off and bit Tony's shoulder, but stepped back and knelt slightly and kissed his tags and Tony's reactor.

Steve pushed Tony a little and he got the hint to lie back, Steve kissed Tony and then worked his way back down Tony's chest, at the top of his jeans, Steve pulled them down. Tony's cock popped free and Steve caught it before it slapped Tony in the stomach. He kissed the head before taking the whole thing. 

"Oh god Steve. You are way to good at that. I never want to know how you learned to do that."

Steve smiled, no one taught him how to suck cock. Well Tony did, because the man was so obvious about what he liked. And well he never had had much of a gag reflex...so it added up to great blowjobs.

"Steve, please please..."

He knew what Tony wanted, but Steve didn't want a hard screw on the table. No...he still wouldn't use that word, he didn't need to. He pulled back from Tony and opened the draw next to his hip. While he wasn't going to screw Tony on the table he could open him him up a little here, it was exactly the right height.

Tony moaned and thrashed his head a little at the feel of the first cold finger. He barley acknowledged one shoe than the other being pulled off, he did the removal of his jeans by putting one leg up on Steve's shoulder. 

Steve kissed the inside of Tony's knee since it was there, then kept kissing his way down the leg. He skipped up to the mouth when it got to be a weird angle. He kissed Tony 'till he had three fingers sliding in easily. He pulled them free and grabbed a shop towel close by to wipe them semi clean. He unbuttoned his own pants but only pushed them down far enough to get his cock out. sliding into Tony them both gasped, Tony for the feeling if being stretched and filled with the heat of Steve's cock and Steve for the feeling of being surrounded by Tony. 

When he felt like he could go one he slid a hand under Tony's back and pulled him up so that he was against his chest.

Tony moaned as he shifted on Steve's cock. When Steve picked him up from the table and walked to the bed a few feet away he tried to complain but Steve was kissing him again. He finally got a word out when he was laid on the bed.

"Steve," that came out much huskier than he wanted, "You know I hate that. And damn it your still dressed."

"Not for long." While still buried in Tony Steve pulled his shirt off, thrusting slightly. Then his tennis shoes were next. Tony moaned at the shifting of his hips. Then he whimpered when Steve did some obscene version of a camel yoga pose and pulled his pants of by leaning backwards.

"Oh god how does that even work?"

"Don't know but it did." Steve leaned forward and kissed Tony silent again, rocking his hips slowly. He kept kissing Tony while dragging his hands up from Tony's hips to his shoulders. Then back to the thing that fascinated Steve, the reactor. He traced the ring with his finger, brushing Tony's nipple with the side of his hand as he did. He kissed the largest scar surrounding it and laid out his dogtags side by side over it.

He leaned forward and looked Tony in the eyes and smiled. He gave Tony a light kiss. Then he said something he hasn't said to Tony yet. "I love you."

Tony gasped and tried to swallow past the lump that had appeared in his throat. 

"You don't have to say anything." Steve offered, kissing Tony again, his had over their icons again. He couldn't seem to stop touching them.

Tony pushed Steve's shoulder a little and Steve leaned back. "I love you to." His voice was scratchy and very breathy, since the second Steve said the words he had to fight not to come.

Steve leaned his forehead to Tony's and sighed, "Then come for me because I can't hold it much longer." 

The pair came at the same time, Steve trying to keep his arm locked to keep from falling on Tony.

Tony smiled up at Steve, "You can lay on me. I'm not breakable you know."

"Yes you are."

This was another thing Steve hadn't adjusted to yet. Tony was stronger than he looked and Steve didn't have to hold back as much as he did. Tony wasn't going to have the usual discussion about it right now though.

Steve gasped, pulling free of Tony and rolling to the side. Tony snagged one of the towels kept near the bed just for this reason and cleaned Steve lightly. He ignored himself for the moment knowing he would need a shower. Instead he laid his head down on Steve's chest.

"I really do you know."

"I know, you didn't have to say it right then though."

"But I wanted to." Tony traced Steve's name into Steve's chest, he smiled when he found the mildly ticklish spot that made Steve jerk every time he traced the tail of the S over it. 

"You know in some states we could um..uh well...anyways I was not about to say that."

"You weren't about to ask if I wanted to change me last name?" Steve teased, with a small out of hope. No matter what, the fact that Tony had even almost mentioned marriage was nice.

"Uh well it's kind of hard for me to change mine." Tony sighed. "Company and everything."

"Yeah and me yelling Roger's in battle would be kind of weird."

"Guess I don't yell out Stark to often huh?"

Steve shook his head, stopping so it faced the top of Tony's head. he leaned down to kiss the top of the head, ignoring the few grey strands he saw. Swallowing down the fear that he would be alone again some day. Least next time he would have some memories of love to help and maybe a few friends to help with the pain.

"Hey hey whats with the Speedy Gonzales heart rate?" Tony leaned up on one arm looking down at Steve.

Steve smiled, he got that one. "Nothing."

"Uh your heart rate spiked. I'm laying on your heart remember."

"No your leaning on your arm." Steve tried but knew he was failing to draw attention from his fears.

Tony just raised one eyebrow and looked up. "JARVIS."

"Yes sir, Captain Roger's heart rate did increase by a rate of 25%."

"Thanks JARVIS." Steve sighed closing his eyes. He knew it was better to just give in so he did. "I'm afraid of losing you."

"I'm not going anywhere." Tony said softly, kissing Steve's cheek.

"Tony." Steve stopped and tried to swallow past the dessert that had moved into this throat. "Unless I die in a battle, I'm going to lose you. I'm okay I'm 98 but I'm only 27."

"Oh, yeah. I, um."

"Don't worry about it. At least I won't be in a different time. I'll have friends to help me...cope." Steve answered lamely.

Tony dropped his head to meet Steve's this time. "Not the best conversation to have after saying I love you for the first time." 

"It's okay. It's all important. But we cant talk about it later. So how about I say it again. I love you."

"I love you to."

Steve ran a hand over Tony's cheek and chuckled. "You have grease and I think come on your cheek."

"Oh for crying out load." Tony grabbed another towel and tried to wipe of the mess. "I don't care about the come but fucking me with grease on my cheek-"

"Tony you always have grease some where. And we didn't ... we made love."  "I'm going to get you to say fuck once before I die."

"I doubt it."

"I'll make it my mission. Just cause."

Steve laughed. "I'm sure you will. Come on lets go take a shower and find Natasha."

"I like the first part, not so much the second."

"Come on."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and a broken suit adds up to a stressed out Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I kind broke the story line a bit here.  
> Uh more than last chapter with Tony still having a reactor.  
> Fury still around, so is one heilocarrier, and the whole Winter Solider/Bucky thing happened.  
> I'll try not to make it a habit.  
> Oh and for my lack of medical-ness, just run with the cocktail please. :) Enjoy.

The pair didn't make it out the door before The Avengers alarm set off.  
Steve went to his room to put on his uniform.  
Tony ran to the labs and his suit,they met at the location of the battle.

"Stark there's one to your left."  
"I got it."  
"Barton three to your right."  
"Yeah well I can only do one at a time."  
"Liar."  
"Natasha, they weren't lined up for anything else." Barton laughed, he was good but even he couldn't have pulled off a "two bot one arrow" shot from those angles.  
"Okay I think I've seen enough movies now, Barton that light in the middle of his head..."  
"Could be Captain, give me two seconds." Clint hit the glowing light and the three story bot crumbled into a heap.  
"Hulk smash." Captain America offered.  
That had The Hulk dropping from the building he had been climbing and shattering the large robot, ripped it's arm off, pulled the leg off and tried to pull of its head off.  
"Natasha one behind you."  
Natasha turned then sprinted, "Damn it, it went down the alley."  
Stark landed next to Captain.  
"Well that was fun."  
"Stark I need you in the air."  
"How many others do we think there is?"  
"I don't know, the bad guys never us a headcount." Steve offered sarcastically.  
Steve look towards the Hulk who was still trying to disintegrate the large robot. He heard a sound and whipped his head back towards Tony.  
"Shit." Tony's suit was ripped half open, one of the smaller robots had his chest piece in its hand. Steve took of his shield and bashed it the back of its skull, it drop to the ground and Steve didn't stop bashing.  
"Captain it's out." Tony called.  
"Tony are you alright?"  
"Kind of feel really tired all of a sudden." Stark fell to the ground. "Cap I kind a need you to do me a favor."  
"What Tony?" Steve couldn't believe how steady his voice was.  
"I need you to reach into my suit along my hip and press the indentation."  
"Why we don't have time for the Stark."  
Tony rolled his eyes, or tried to. "Shut up, it's a release mechanism I built into the suit, just in case. Press the button, no the other hip."  
"Well you didn't specify."  
"I know, you just want my pants."  
"Tony we're in the middle of a battle."  
"Whatever. I don't think I'm quite up to it just now." Tony's head lolled to the side and his eyes drifted shut.  
"JARVIS, can you hear me?" There was static in Tony's suit for a moment then JARVIS was in his ear. "Yes captain I can hear you."  
"What's going on? What hit him?"  
"Sirs suit is damaged so I have limited biometric information. I can tell his heart rate has fallen but not to dangerous levels. I can detect a foreign substance in his bloodstream but can not determine its composition. Most of the scanners are in Sirs chest plate."  
"Which is laying at my feet."  
"Correct Captain Rogers."  
Steve found the indentation impressed, the suit fell away from Tony. "You were going to tell me about this right." Steve said more to himself than to Tony.  
Tony stirred for a second, answering Steve but not opening his eyes, "Of course, just kind of slipped my mind." Tony's speech slurred and he was out again.  
"I need to get you to the carrier."  
Natasha drop next Tony, his shirt had been ripped in the attack, and the dog text clearly visible against his reactor.  
"Steve you should go with him."  
"I can't. I can't get onto the carrier fast enough. Thor!"  
"Steve you should go. " Natasha pushed setting the tags on top of each other.  
"I want to but I can't Natasha. I have to stay here Thor's the only one that can get him there."  
Natasha did her stare and Steve shook his head, "He can't take us both, he needs to take Tony. I'm fine."  
"No Steve it's not."  
"I know but it will be." Steve sighed.  
Natasha nodded once and took off again, spying Barton in trouble.

Thor knelt next to Steve,"I'll take good care of him my shield brother."  
"I know you will Thor. Just get him to the med unit," Steve turned around and used his shield to sever the hand still covered in Tony's blood from the robot. "Take this with you. They should tested to see what put him under so damn fast. We can never get him under that fast when he needs surgery."

Thor put the hand between his armor and his tunic, making sure the metal fingers were towards the armor. "I would hate to fall from the sky asleep like our friend."  
Steve reach down and gently pull the tags from Tony's neck, "If he wakes up before I get there tell him I have these."  
"Yes my friend, I will ensure he knows you have them." With that Thor was gone.  
"Cap, is it me or is that robots head blinking a little faster than it was before?" Barton shouted.  
Steve looked down at the bashed in skull of the one at his feet. "I think so."  
"Damn it. They pulled a Vanko."  
Steve flinched at the Russian curses flowing over the coms. He didn't know what Natasha was saying but he was sure it was for the best.  
"Hulk. I need you to look at the bots. I need Bruce to see what's inside it."  
The Hulk dropped the one he was smashing and picked one up that Barton had shot.  
With meticulous movements, Steve watch Hulks giant fingers open the chest of the broken toy in his hands. Then Hulk growled and clambered up the building he had been on before and launched himself into the sky. There was and explosion and The Hulk dropped back down onto the giant robot.  
"Puny humans go." Hulk spoke. Grabbing more of the twisted metal from the pavement.  
"You heard him, if your not green and apparently indestructible leave." The Captain called out.

 

Tony came a wake with a deep gasp and a hand to his chest. Thor stepped to Tony immediately, stilling the frantic engineers movements. Leaning in Thor spoke softly, "The captain has his metal military identification markers."  
Tony wasn't quit coherent yet and if he hadn't been looking for Steve's tags he would have had no idea what Thor was talking about, even though Thor's description had been perfect.  
"The Captain will be here soon. The battle was won when you fell."  
"Should have stayed in the air." Tony spoke his voice groggy and harsh. "What did they use?"  
"I have no understanding of your healers. I will fetch the healer who treated you, then you may speak your science." Thor smiled. He knew his limitations and accepted them well.

When he came back with the doctor, Steve was with them. Tony had to fight the urge to put a hand out to him, Steve looked like hell. Instead Tony fisted his hands into the blanket covering him.  
The doctor started in on his "science" but Tony didn't hear any of it. All his attention was on Steve. He blinked and suddenly he was wrapped in the super soldiers arms.  
Thor ushered the doctor out and stood before the door, a glower on his face. No words were spoken but Thor knew the doctor would not pass on what he had witnessed.

"I'm alright."  
Steve nodded. "Damn it Tony. I just found you."  
"And you've still got me. I just might have a couple new shines lines to go with all the others."  
Steve tried to ignore the self deprecating humor that was some where in that statement but a small chuckle escaped anyways.  
"I want to tell Fury."  
Tony tensed up, "Say that again? Cuz it sounded like you just said you wanted to tell Fury that your basically fucking your second in command."  
"Tony, we are not...screwing. We're in love."  
"Well yes but he's not going to hear that. Beside we haven't even told t-he, Thor knows." Tony's brain sort of caught up with the conversation. He was still a little groggy from what ever had knocked him out. He sighed and took a deep breath. "Can we talk about this when I'm not fighting to stay awake? I'm not saying no just let me sleep this crap off first."  
Steve gave a small half smile. "Yes we can wait. I'm going to let you get back to sleep then. I Uh will keep these with me for now?" Steve pulled the tags out from under his own uniform.  
"Yeah haven't got a pockets handy at the moment." Tony said around a yawn. "What did the doc say was in that stuff?"  
"A heavy dose of tryptophan, mixed with four other sedatives. Their going to study the mix to see if it's something they can recreate when we need to put you under for surgery."  
"Me, what about you?" Tony mumbled, Steve's metabolism burned off everything they tried to give him. After the whole Winter Solider thing, they knew nothing they had would work on him. Steve literally just had to suck it up, no pain killers no sedatives.  
Steve looked towards the door and could still only see Thor's cape, he leaned down and kissed Tony's forehead.  
"I love you."

Stepping out of the room, he touched Thor's back and the demigod moved away. "Has he returned to slumber than?"  
"Yeah, he seems to just be sleeping as apposed to knocked out though." Steve said looking at the doctor,  
The doctor nodded and moved towards the room, "I'll just check his vitals to make sure."  
Steve leaned against the wall. He tried to keep a composed face but let his eyes shut. He didn't jump when a small hand touched his arm, but it was more due to the exhaustion that had set in, than anything else.

"How is he, Steve?" Natasha asked, Barton and Bruce behind her. Bruce looked worn and was covered in soot.  
"Sleeping of his own accord it looks like. The doctors in checking him now."  
"He's better," the doctor said stepping from Tony's room, "I think it will be a few more hours before the cocktail has worked it was through Mr. Stark's bloodstream."  
"Do we know how big of a dose he received?" Bruce asked stepping forward but hung close to Barton.  
"I'm sorry I can't discuss that with you."  
The whole team saw red, fortunately for the doctor, Fury walked down the corridor right then.  
"Doctor, these people are the closest thing Stark has to family. If they ask a question you answer it. If they want to see him you let them in. That goes for any of them. Any of them end up in that room the others are to be given carte blanch access. Do you understand ?"  
The doctor just nodded, he swallowed before he answered the question, "It was a dose three times larger then I would have ever considered giving to a man of Captain Roger's size."  
"And Stark's already waking up from it?" Fury questioned.  
"Yes Director. Mr. Stark was given a combination of Tryptophan, Seconal, Lorazepam, Amytal, and Ativan. In most patients that combination alone should have been lethal almost instantly but Mr. Stark just slept. And the dose, well like I said, it's three times more that I would give him." The doctor pointed to Steve.  
"We've talked about this, Director. Between Tony's," Bruce took a breath to calm himself, "between his drinking for years and the reactor, he metabolizes medications almost as quickly as Steve. His system just keeps up."  
"If Mr. Stark drinks he needs to be pulled from the team until he's cleared." The doctor tried to say.  
Unfortunately every single member of The Avengers laughed at the doctor, as well as Fury and the two other agents who had been walking down the hall at the time. The Director took this one, "Doc, I would love to bench Stark for a million reasons, but you can't. Stark is Stark, he will do whatever the hell Stark wants. You just have to hope that what he wants matches what you want enough to make it work."  
Steve shifted at the description of his lover. While it was essential true, it wasn't totally accurate. He could talk Tony down if he needed, and had.  
"I would like to keep him for the night to monitor his vitals."  
"I think Tony would be more comfortable at home. JARVIS is fully capable of monitoring him." Bruce explained.  
The doctor shook his head, "I don't know what kind of training this Jarvis has. I would feel more comfor-"  
"Doctor we need to have a conversation about this team. JARVIS is Stark's AI he build when he was in college at 17. JARVIS runs all of his houses, his suit, his company, Uh I'm not sure what all JARVIS is in charge of." Fury explained.

"I am capable of handling whatever Sir requires of me." JARVIS's voice came from Steve's cowl. Fury raised the eyebrow over the patch, which Steve found disconcerting. The doctor jumped and clasped a hand to his heart, the others just shook their heads.  
"You brought JARVIS with you Cap?"  
"Sorry, sir. Didn't know he was still patched into my coms. Needed to know how functional his suit's scanners were. And he wasn't in much of a position to tell me right then." Steve shrugged.  
Fury nodded, "JARVIS can give us better information than you can." Turning back to Steve, "take Stark home and we will send you what we have. You send us what you figure out." With a swirl of leather Fury was gone.  
The doctor leaned against Tony's door. "This is not... Forget it fine. Take him home, have is AI watch him and whatever." The doctor waved his hand in the air and walked away.  
"Guess he won't be around next time." Barton said, adjusting his quiver.  
"What is bad is there will be a next time." Bruce said rubbing his temple.  
"How are you Bruce, do you need to be checked out?"  
Bruce chuckled, "Not here and not by him. I'm fine Captain. Little bit if ringing in my ears, but it will go away soon."  
Thor spoke next, "The question is how do we get Tony safely to the tower? I can fly him back but I doubt that is the safest course of action."  
"We'll take a jet to the base and have Happy meet us with one of the cars." Natasha said. She was half way down the corridor before she finished talking.

Steve slid down the wall to sit for the first time since he made love to Tony this morning.  
"Cap?"  
"I'm fine Clint, just rung out."  
"Captain?" JARVIS's voice called out from his cowl again.  
"JARVIS, considering the situation at home could you call me Steve or maybe Rogers?"  
"Certainly Steve. Mr. Rogers would be rather odd given he was a-"  
"I know that one JARVIS. What did you need?"  
"I have contacted Mr. Hogan and he is in route to the base to await your arrival. I have obtained the files regarding Sirs condition and have found a compound likely to hasten his metabolism of the drug cocktail he was subjected to. It would cause only a slightly lowered body temperature. But I believe he would know a remedy for such a side effect."  
Steve smirked, yeah he and Tony knew something that might help with the chills, his body temperature. By the looks of the men standing around him they knew the remedy to.  
He nodded to each one in a silent thanks for holding their relationship close to their vests for now. "We'll talk about this at the tower." Steve explained, touching where his tags hung. Each man nodded in return.  
"I'm going to see if I can get Tony to wake up long enough to get some scrubs on him." Steve said rising.  
"I do not see why small worm like creatures would be helpful, Captain."  
Steve laughed and left Clint and Bruce to explain that one.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve, nightmares or at least an attempt to keep them away.  
> Tony has the will-power of ten gods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went with 1942 as the pre-serum year because after six forums I couldn't find an actual post or date.

The flight and drive took about an hour, Tony was groggy, in and out of sleep the entire time. He sat in Steve's lap, draped across his chest. Steve held him to his chest with each turn. When the others weren't looking Steve would sneak a kiss to his hair or temple, speaking softly. He told him over and over again that he loved him, how much he didn't want to lose him, and that he would try not to chain him to their bed to keep him from getting hurt again. Though he wasn't sure he could do it, either way; chain him or not chain him. It was a hard call.

Steve carried Tony to their room and laid him down. Tony woke for long enough to kiss Steve, roll over and steal Steve's pillow. 

Steve chuckled, "JARVIS?"

"I have completed the scan of Sir. I think if we administer the counter sedative in an hour, the cocktail should be cleared from him system with in three. I hesitate to give it to him sooner, due to the dosage needed to counteract the original does."  
"So wait an hour for his system to get it down to a ... Sure okay." Steve shrugged, he was sure the AI would know exactly what was right for Tony.

"Sir if I may?"

"Sure JARVIS, and hey I thought you were going to call me Steve?"

"While I am an AI and can learn new tasks immediately it will take some time to adjust to that," after a moment JARVIS added, "Steve."

Steve laughed at the AI, "Is this your attempt at humor to lessen my stress?"

"Is it working?"

Steve smiled broader, "You have the scanners, you tell me."

"My sensors do show a 18% drop in your endocrine system since I became my-"

"JARVIS, are you trying your witty banter subroutine again?" Tony asked buried under the covers, " you know we haven't work out all the bugs on that."

"Sir, it worked admirably to release some Steve's stress."

"Steve?" Tony still hadn't moved.

"At his request Sir."

"It was a little weird, sleeping with you and him still calling me Captain Rogers."

"Well certainly can't go the Mr. route can we?"

Steve worried at Tony not moving to look at him, he moved to the far side of the bed at sat down gently. "How are you feeling?"

"Comfy. Little chilled but mostly comfy. Kinda comfy I haven't felt since I was a kid and could flop on a chair upside down and read for hours."

Steve smiled, he had walked in on Tony doing that just a few weeks ago, but it had been minutes and he had a headache for hours. He kept that memory to himself though.

"JARVIS said we can give you the counter herb in about an hour."

"Hmm. Give my system time to burn some more off. Okay. Will you stay, please. Been kind of a long day."

Steve walked back around the bed and climbed in behind Tony trying not to move the man and disrupt his comfy.

"Much better," Tony sighed. 

"JARVIS mentioned a lower body temp after you take this stuff."

"Hmm kay, I'll have to go find a warm body to cuddle up with. Oh look already found one."

"You are a little dopey still aren't you?" Steve asked.

"Nope. 

"Why did you land Tony? Why didn't you stay in the air?" Steve whispered. "I am no good at loss. I am barley dealing with Bucky's death, let alone any of the Howlers or Peggy." Steve kissed Tony's head. "Please don't leave me. I couldn't handle it."

"I'm sorry. I don't want to leave you. I don't want to lose you either. And as for why, one of my stabilizers was having a fit. I was landing to see if I had debris in it."

"So it was either land and get attacked by the bot or keep flying and end up in a building or something?" Steve tried to keep the tremble out of his voice.

Tony shifted so that he was looking at Steve. The grief so clear in his face. The torment of his losses clouding his clear blue eyes. Tony pulled every bit of strength he had and kissed Steve soft and light. He kept kissing Steve until Steve relaxed into Tony's arms that had crept around him. He didn't stop 'till Steve was hard and panting. Tony knew one thing about Steve that no one else understood. 

Steve didn't cry.

Like seriously didn't cry. Not just men don't cry, he's a solider they don't cry, doesn't cry, Steve hadn't moved past any of the losses he had suffered. Tony knew if Steve lost any of the Avengers it might just kill him. But if Tony died, it would kill Steve. Not the very second of his death but by the end if the battle that took Tony, Steve would have joined him. 

The moment he realized it he had tried to change the way he fought but 'going it alone' was in his DNA. It was a slow and exasperating process. 

Tony figured right now the only way to distract Steve was to wear him out, the best way was to fuck him for hours. But with the sedative cocktail still in his system Tony didn't have the energy. So it was going to be slow deep meaningful love making, the kind no one but Pepper and Steve thought he was capable of.

Tony didn't stop kissing Steve, not for one second. He kept it light enough not to deprive either of them of oxygen. He shifted slightly every so often till Steve was on his back, Tony above him,. Tony massaged and caressed Steve's arms, chest, hips, until he got Steve's pants down. He used his foot to push them off Steve's long legs. Steve's cock was hard and leaking into his belly button. Tony didn't wrap his hand around it right away, instead continuing the caresses. He worshipped every square inch he could reach of Steve's body with out breaking the kiss. He smiled to himself when Steve started to gasp and moan, still kissing Tony back.

Tony felt Steve's cock jerk and knew with in seconds Steve would come for the first time tonight. He was rewarded with a Steve throwing his head back, eyes rolling in to the back of his head and a groan so deep it made Tony's throat hurt in sympathy. 

Tony let Steve calm down from coming but kept him just short of overload with more kissing, more caresses, and stretching him. 

Once Steve was hard again Tony sank into his lover in one smooth stroke. He felt guilty for playing Steve's body like a violin, but he knew it was one of the few ways to keep away the flashbacks that would haunt him tonight. 

Their lips were both tender from the nearly hour long kiss but still Tony wouldn't stop. Steve made such wonderful sounds when Tony took him soft like this.

Little gasps, moans, and whimpers, all to soft to be coming from someone as large and strong as the super solider, but they made Tony remember the small man that Steve once was. He felt that those sounds were the ones he would have heard before 1942.

Steve came again. This time with Tony's name on his lips. Tony came quickly after him, watching his lover flutter to a blissful sleep.  
Tony struggled to the bathroom to clean himself and to bring a cloth to clean Steve a bit. The cocktail still had a hold on him. 

There was a soft knock at the door. Tony didn't want to answer it, but figured it was either Bruce or Natasha bringing him what ever JARVIS had figured out for him to take.

He had been right on the first one. He had grabbed a robe and drug himself to the living room before just telling JARVIS to let who ever it was in.

Bruce came in, trying to look small. Tony hated this stance of Bruce's the most. But he didn't have the energy to comfort his science brother. Bruce set the cup down and rushed to Tony's side.

"What are you doing out of bed? Where's Steve? I can't believe-"

Tony pressed a hand over Bruce's mouth. He was about the only person who could touch Bruce like this. "He was freaking out. Like flashback nightmare enduring freaking out." Tony said tiredly. 

"How are you even out of bed?"

"Sheer willpower at this point. Give me what ever concoction JARVIS came up with and help me back to bed."

Bruce got Tony to sit down. He handed Tony the cup and Tony drank it, grimacing. 

"Hey I didn't make it. I just served it."

"I know. Come on get me back Steve before I crash again."

Bruce pulled Tony up from the chair and Tony draped his arm over Bruce's shoulder. "You know I love ya, right man."

"Tony I think your saying that to the wrong guy."

"Nope, right guy, different kind of 'love ya'."

"We love you to Tony." Bruce returned. 

"I knew big green had a soft spot for me."

"He has a soft spot for any human that doesn't shoot him."

"Noted."

Bruce shook his head and pour Tony back into bed. Tony scooted over next to Steve who looked very relaxed and stated. 

"Do I want to know how you wore out a super solider to the point of nightmare free exhaustion?"

"Might not be nightmare free, but Uh no I doubt you want you know."

Bruce nodded and left, "JARVIS, you'll watch him right?"

"Oh course Dr. Banner."

"I know I didn't need to ask, I just..." Bruce couldn't finish the dump statement to a computer.

"I understand sir, I will alert you if either of my charges have any problems."


	4. Armor and despise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All angst  
> Sorry

It was the following morning before either man moved. JARVIS notified each Avenger that Tony was alright according to his scans. When he rolled out of bed and dragged himself into the shower scowling because there wasn't coffee already in his hand, JARVIS informed everyone that he was in fact, perfectly fine.   
Steve woke be degrees, something he hadn't done since his touring days. Sleeping 'till you woke wasn't a luxury that could be afforded in the war. And after, he had the dreams that kept him from wanting too.  
The first thing he noticed was that the room was bright and warm. He heard the shower of to the left. He smelt coffee and Tony's soap. Then the smell of his shampoo was added to the mix. He strained a little and heard a rumble of Thor's laughter and a jet. But the sound that had him moving was the sound of metal chain on granite countertop.   
He was at the bathroom door to watch Tony put his dog tags on and watch them fall into place over the reactor.  
"Did Thor tell you what he said when I reached for them?"  
Steve shook his head. He leaned against the doorframe knowing if he walked the few steps to Tony he would crush the man in an embrace that his healing chest couldn't handle right now.  
"He said 'The captain has his metal military identification markers.' He's lucky I knew what he was talking about because I was not quite coherent enough to translate his Thor-speak."  
"It is a perfect description." Steve offered.  
"Very true but still hard to understand when your working your way out of a drug induced sleep."  
Steve nodded, his heart spiked when Tony turned toward him and dropped his hip onto the counter. Steve could see the three bright red, angry lines clearly. They traveled from just under his arm, across his shoulder till just before the reactor. Then it seized as he pulled Tony into the hug he just told himself he wasn't going to give.   
Tony let Steve wrap him up in his arms, Steve had been carful not to touch the cuts on his chest but Tony had discovered in the shower that they were numb. Tony stood there and let Steve have whatever he needed. After a moment the hug loosened and Steve turned his head to kiss the crook of Tony's neck. "I can't loose you." Steve whispered.   
"I will do what I can." Tony whispered in return.  
"I know." Steve sighed, kissed Tony's cheek and stood up to his full height. "We need to talk to the team." He said softly, "if you're up to it."  
Tony nodded, "I'm still not thrilled with the telling Fury part. You did say that yesterday right? Didn't imagine that did I? Because I would actually prefer if I had dreamt it. No, actually no that's more of a nightmare."  
Steve kissed Tony softly. He had found it was the best and nicest way to stop Tony from talking.  
"We will wait but now that the others know I think being proactive will be better."  
"He's just going to blame me for corrupting you or something." Tony sighed.  
"Tony you didn't corrupt me." Steve laughed.  
"Right you went in the drink 70 years ago straight and came out of it gay." Tony was up to grumbling.  
"I wasn't exactly straight Tony."  
Tony's head snapped up, "Wait, what run that passed me again?"   
"I Uh hadn't done anything..." Steve's voice trailed off. Taking a deep breath for courage he told Tony something hadn't told anyone, EVER. "I think I was bi-sexual before or well would have been if I had known such a thing existed. Besides I was an art student. Weren't all male art students thought to be homosexual in the forties?"  
"Right Uh huh yeah. Nope not buying it."  
Steve chuckled shaking his head.  
"Neither will Fury. He'll still blame me some how."  
"I won't let him," Steve said with a shrug. "One step at a time. Team first."  
"Fine let me put on a shirt."  
"Take your time I'm going to take a shower. Someone let me sleep after making love to me for over an hour. Someone who should have been to tired to open his eyes, let along kiss me." Steve scowled.   
Tony shrugged, "You needed to sleep. There wasn't really anything that was going to keep me from sleeping..." Tony let the sentence trail off.   
"Right Uh huh yeah not buying it." Steve parroted back.  
"Not selling anything. Just stating a fact. Take your shower before the gang gets bold and comes looking for us, with eyes wide shut."  
Steve stepped into the shower calling out, "I GOT THAT ONE."  
"GOING TO HAVE TO START TRYING HARDER." Tony replied from his dresser.   
A few minutes later Steve stepped into the bedroom and whimpered. He was suppose talk to everyone while Tony was wearing that?! "Are you trying to kill me Tony?" Steve said breathlessly.   
Tony had pulled out a faux vintage Captain America hoodie that was made to look like Steve's original armor. He had never worn any of his Captain America memorabilia before because he was afraid it would have been a tell, but now it was a confirmation.   
"Like this do you?" Tony purred.  
"Yeah like you don't know it's torture to see you in my colors. Heck I'm surprised you haven't repainted the Ironman armor."  
"What and look like War Machine? I think not. Come on get dressed. I'm starving." Tony kissed Steve's cheek and kept walking into the outer room.  
Steve dressed in a hurry. He wanted this conversation over with only so he could drag his lover back to this room and peal that sweatshirt off of him.   
They took the elevator to the common floor, stepped off and both paused outside the door. Steve looked down at Tony. Tony shrugged in silence but threaded his fingers through Steve's and stepped into the room.  
Everyone was sitting at the table eating a late breakfast. "That will take a bit of getting use to." Barton spoke first.  
"The sheer awesomeness of the two of us?" Tony asked. It got him with the back of Steve's arm across his chest.   
"Oh dang it Tony." Steve instantly remembered the slashes on Tony's chest.  
"It's fine. Their numb."  
"Why are they numb?" Steve stepped around Tony until he stood directly I front of his lover.   
"Don't know, will figure it out later. Like when you decide to talk to Fury, I'm thinking."  
Steve crossed his arms over his chest, "I haven't said when I'll tell Fury."  
"Then maybe I'll wait till you do."  
Steve shook his head, Tony could be so stubborn about things. The couple finished walking towards the table and sat down. Thor had plates piled high in front of them before they had their chairs pull in.  
"Yes it was Steve's tags you heard Natasha." Tony offered as way of an opener. "The silencer had come off again."  
"How long?" Bruce asked, curiosity was the only thing Steve could hear in the scientist's voice.  
Steve answered, "About six months. We always planned to tell you." Steve rushed forward. "I wanted time to adjust, to enjoy," Steve shook his head. Now it sounded so selfish. He had kept the best part of his life from people he called friend.   
"Did you think we would not approve Steven?" Thor asked confused. "Are not these types of relationships accepted on Midgard?"  
"Are they on Asgard?" Bruce asked.  
"They are not shunned. There are not many and while it is not encouraged, it is not discouraged either."  
"That doesn't make any sense, Big guy." Tony said between bites of waffle.   
"No children can come from such a union. So it is not encouraged, but no one truly cares who one loves on Asgard so it is not discouraged."  
Everyone nodded in agreement though the same though flickered through each Avengers mind; no adoptions?   
"I am happy for you both. No one should go through the battle of life without someone to remind them to return from the battle." Thor spoke softly, trying not to look in Bruce's direction.  
"I do have someone to remind me Thor, I just don't get to see her often." Bruce assured the Asgardian.   
"Last time he did, he broke Harlem."  
"Tony." Bruce exclaimed in exasperation.  
"It's true, he turns into a giant romantic green mess when she's around."  
"That's not..."  
"I know, just yanking your chain."  
"Tony maybe you shouldn't tease the guy who can tear you apart? No offense Doc."  
"None taken. So six months? Had you uh, wow I was not just about to ask Captain America that question." Bruce let out a heavy breath.  
"I Uh have um well uh I've only been with Tony." Steve stammered out, his hand rubbing the back of his neck, his face flaming red. "I wasn't really in a position to do anything about any ideas I might have had pre-serum. And after I was to busy; first touring, then with the war and The Howlers."  
"What about Peggy?" Natasha braved the topic of ex's.  
"I wanted to see her, maybe go steady, uh you know give her my pin. All those things we did then."  
Tony stopped eating and sort of pushed his food around his plate. Talk of Peggy always made him think of Howard. Never a topic he wanted to think about.  
Clint watched Tony and tried to change the topic, to get Tony's mind off what was bugging him all of the sudden, so he went for the most bear poking question he could think off. "So who catches?"  
"CLINT!!!"  
"BARTON!"  
The first from Tasha the second from Bruce. Thor looked confused again.  
Steve dropped his head, where Tony's snapped up.   
"Clint I think if Tony was in his suit you would have repulsers burns." Tasha pointed out.  
"Just trying to get the topic off the one making Tony upset."  
Steve turned towards his partner. "Tony?"  
"Sorry, Peggy always make me think about him."  
Steve raised an eyebrow but Tony refused to explain. Bruce did it for him.  
"It makes him think of Howard. For Tony he wasn't the same man you knew."  
"Who knows maybe he was and the guy Steve knew was just a crap father. He just wasn't a father yet." Tony stuffed a whole piece of bacon in his mouth so he wouldn't have to continue that line of the conversation.  
Steve rubbed Tony's arm and set his hand on his thigh. "So skipping Clint's question. Are there any other question?"   
"Still wanna know." Clint mumbled but felt the immense sting as soon as the words were out of his mouth as Thor slapped him across the chest like Steve had Tony.  
Tony shrugged and answered to the surprise of everyone at the table, "Both." Steve's face turned the brightest shade of red Tony had ever seen it. "Sorry."   
Steve choked down the bite of waffle he had tried to swallow whole. "They uh didn't really need to know that Tony." His voice raspy.   
Tony handed him Clint's glass of juice and glared at the archer daring him to say anything about the pilfered beverage.  
"They would have just speculated and tried to figure it out anyways. Now no super spies snooping to see who wins what ever bet they come up with."  
"I would say they wouldn't but I know Clint, so I won't." Steve said sighing.  
"What I'm not a pervert or something." Clint defended himself.  
"You just asked Barton." Tony said a growl tinging his voice.  
"Doesn't mean I want to see your pasty white ass, in any version of sex."  
"Why are we discussing Tony's ass and sex?"  
"Fuck!"  
"Yes Stark I think that was the topic."  
Steve stood and turned towards Fury. "Sir. Agent Coulson." Steve addressed the agent to the left of Fury. He was glad that they had finally been told that he had been revived, even if the manner left something to be desired.  
"Tony's sex life is often the topic of conversations across the globe, Directory Fury." JARVIS attempted to point out.  
"Thanks buddy, you know for the heads up that ol' one eye was in the building."  
"I was overridden, Sir."  
Tony stood up fast enough his chair would have tipped and fallen to the floor if Steve hadn't caught it. "No, oh no. You DO NOT OVERRIDE MY AI. No one messes with JARVIS. Let alone you computer geek lackies at S.H.E.I.L.D."  
"I wanted to see how you were feeling after the attack yesterday. I knew if he announced me, I wouldn't see you for week."  
"Don't care, you do not mess with my tech." Tony stepped into Fury's space. As intimidating as Fury could be, Steve found Tony to be the scarier of the two, even with his height disadvantage.   
"Boys, please blood is so hard to get out of this carpet, not to mention the smell of piss." Natasha said, her eyes never looking the knife she was currently twirling around her fingers.   
"Why do I think you actually know hard it is to get blood you my carpet?" Tony said he head dropping in defeat to Natasha.   
"Because I do."  
"Do I need a report Romanoff?"  
"Of course not sir."  
Fury eyed Natasha for a moment, but eventually turned back to Stark. "Am I going to be fielding calls all day from upset politicians and generals about your lack of fit in a military setting again?"  
"Director Fury, Tony has not done anything. You walked in on a bad joke at Tony's expense." Steve looked at Clint, who squirmed in his chair.  
Fury nodded once, "How is he doing?" Tipping he head towards Tony.  
"That's it." Tony grabbed another piece of bacon off his plate and left the room.  
"Tony no wait." Steve rushed after Tony but JARVIS shut the elevator door just before he got to it. "JARVIS," Steve dropped his head letting a sigh out. Steve walked back into the dinning room, "Honestly sir, he was fine until you came in."  
"Excuse me Cap?" Fury growled at Steve's reply.  
Steve stood in front of the director and looked him squarely in the eye, "We had a difficult night. Tony barely managed to not have some sort of flashback or nightmare about his time in Afghanistan. I was not that lucky. He was there for me even when he should have still been under the effects of the cocktail. Then you come in here and misinterpret one sentence out of an ongoing conversation. And then, Sir, you ask how he's doing. But you didn't ask him, you asked me while he was standing right there. Now excuse you will me while I go find out what crazy piece of high tech equipment he's going to design and build in the next 48 hours to deal with the stress of being talked about instead of to." Steve stalked to the elevator and it closed as he stepped through the opening.  
"Can someone explain what the hell just happened here?" Fury growled, looking at each of the remaining Avengers.  
Every one of them shook their heads and resumed eating.  
"Sir I believe it would be a good idea to leave. I will come back and see if Stark will talk to me. At least about any side effects that the cocktail had on him." Coulson suggested.  
Fury's answer was to not answer, just to leave in a wake of trailing leather.  
"Doesn't he get hot in that thing?" Bruce asked when the elevator was gone again.  
Clint smirked, Thor laughed, Natasha smiled for the first time all morning.  
"Does Steve realize he outed them to Fury?" Clint asked no one particular.


	5. Coming into his own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve lets the leash loosen on his passion for Tony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This gets a little sub/Master-y here. Sorry if that's not you cup of tea. It wasn't planned. Just sort of happened. And then it seemed so right, I didn't want to stop it.

Steve stood outside Tony's lab, head hung in defeat. The lab was on lock down and JARVIS was not letting him in. "Please JARVIS, I need to get him to eat. He can't live on coffee, as much as he seems to think he can." Steve pleaded with the AI.  
"I'm truly sorry Steve. He has overridden my override for you. My circuits are tied."  
"Are your trying humor again?"  
"Yes sir."  
Steve turned and slid down the door, once on the floor he tipped his back to lean against the glass. "Has he overridden you to the point you can't tell me what he's doing?"  
"No Steve he has not." With that JARVIS popped up a hologram about a foot in front of Steve's vision.  
Steve watched as Tony stomped around his lab, muttering under his breath. "Do I want to know what he's saying?"  
"No sir not particularly."  
Steve nodded and wondered what it would take to get the man out the glass enclosed room. "Can he hear me?"  
After a moment JARVIS answered, "He can now Steve."   
"Tony please come out and talk to me."  
"I'm not mad at you Steve."   
"But you are punishing me."  
Tony stopped and looked at the camera he figured JARVIS had turned on for Steve. "I'm not good company."  
"But I am."  
"I'll just rant and rave at the unmitigated gall of Fury and his ludicrous behavior."  
"And I'll let you, because I agree."  
"Though to his credit you answered him where I wouldn't have."  
"I didn't answer him."  
Tony's head jerked up to the camera. "You didn't answer a question directly from Fury!? Okay who are you and what have you done with Captain America?"  
"I'm Steve Rogers and I haven't done anything with him."  
"So it's all my fault then huh? My bad habits have rubbed off on you?"  
"No but if you let me in there you could try."  
Tony laughed, "Was that an attempt at a come on, Mister Rogers?"  
Steve smiled, "Well Mister Stark, if the come on fits..." It wasn't often Steve could joke like this with Tony. He didn't really have the experience to pull from to match some of the things Tony came up with.   
Steve heard the door unlatch and he was through it before Tony could change his mind. Steve took the tools out of Tony's hands and set them on the bench then he hugged him.   
"Don't push me away because your upset. Please?"  
Tony hugged Steve back, "I can't make that promise. It's my way. I can only promise to try."  
"That's enough for me."  
Steve held on to Tony for a few minutes. Then a little thought slipped in and Steve groaned.  
Tony leaned backwards and tipped his head back one eye brow raised in question.   
"I think I might have sort have said something that when fury calms down might lead him to believe we sleep together."  
"I thought only Bruce and I could use so many words to say something simple?" Tony asked straightening.  
"When you left I told him that you had been fine 'till he showed up. And sort of mentioned that you kept me from having nightmares."  
"Sort of mentioned?"  
"Dang it Tony. He upset you. I was upset. I spoke out of turn. You hadn't said yes to telling him yet. I shouldn't have said anything." Steve fiddled with the chain of his tags where it showed under his "armor".  
"You forgetting I was standing there in a sweatshirt that looks like your armor? Pretty sure he knew the second his eye latched onto me. Which is why he asked you how I was instead of me."  
"Still wasn't right."  
"Didn't say it was. But Fury is Fury and he didn't get to be Fury by not noticing things like me wearing this." Tony gestured towards his shirt, "Especially not when Barton 's talking about my ass and sex."  
"Are you alright with it? Could say you lost a bet or something." Steve offered.  
"A game of chance he might believe but a bet, he knows I don't loose those because I always stack it in my favor."  
Steve didn't know how to make this right.  
"Don't worry about it. We will cross the bridge when we get to it." Tony said, knowing where Steve's mind was going. "Why don't you go for a run and I'll try to keep up?"   
"Your willing going running with me?"  
Tony shrugged. "Still little groggy. Might help burn off residual side effects. Plus not being here when Fury comes back to confirm what he thinks he knows, priceless." Tony smiled and rubbed his hands together in Machiavellian glee.  
Steve laughed and kissed Tony. "This is one of the things that made me fall for you."  
"My wicked sense of humor?"  
"Your ability to be a kid in a candy store at the drop of a hat."  
Tony looked around the floor, putting his hands Steve's hips and bending to look behind him. "Nope no hat." Tony arched his his forward rubbing his groin against Steve's, "but look I found a place to hang one."  
Steve shook his head, "Thought you wanted to run?" His voice huskier.  
"May have changed my mind."   
"What if I haven't?" Steve asked his breath teasing Tony's ear now.  
"Then I need to try harder." Tony nipped at Steve's neck.   
"Not sure harder is a good word here."  
"It's the perfect word." Tony cheated and opened the hoodie.   
Steve saw his tags and knew there wouldn't be any running except maybe to their room. "Yeah you always stack the deck in your favor." Steve growled before he crushed Tony with a kiss.  
"I just like winning. But really there's no loser here."  
Between little kisses Steve asked, "Here or upstairs."  
"Upstairs." Tony threaded his fingers threw Steve's and walked out of the lab. In the elevator Tony asked something he had been thinking about for a long time. "Move your things in with mine?"   
Steve stilled, but his heart didn't. Tony was asking for a commitment, he had almost done it yesterday. Steve picked Tony up and pinned him to the elevator wall. "Yes." But instead of letting Tony say anything in response Steve kissed him, and kept kissing him until they reached their bed.  
Steve stripped Tony out of the hoodie, and his jeans finding today had been a commando day. He never knew what Tony had on under his clothes. He finally broke the bruising kiss to strip himself. Tony lay panting, squirming slightly. He reader for his cock and started to stroke it.  
"Don't."  
Tony whimpered but let it fall back to lay on his groin.   
Steve crawled up Tony's body dragging his stomach and cock along Tony's making him hiss.  
Steve loved this look on Tony, the so aroused I can't think look. He liked knowing that as inexperienced as he was he could do this to Tony. He had tried over these last six months to learn as much as he could. JARVIS was sworn to secrecy about the videos he had asked to watch and the topics he had searched before he ever approached Tony. He had been shocked a few times by what had him reaching for his cock, and a few more times when he had reached for it and found it leaking.  
He hadn't quite worked up the urge to tell Tony yet. There where things that he wanted to try but he had always backed off before he could. Maybe he could try one now and see how things went.  
Steve leaned in, his face red but his determination high, "It's mine. You don't touch it unless I say you can." Steve added a little bit of battle command to his voice. His heart clenched as he watched Tony. The whimper and shiver where good, so was the warm fluid gushing from Tony's cock. Steve's courage was bolstered so he tried again. "Look at you. So ready for me. I could slide down your cock right now, you're so wet. Wanton. That's the word for you. You would do anything I say wouldn't you."  
Steve felt another push of pre-come. He swallowed down the apprehension and tried something else. He moved along side Tony, sitting on his knees, legs spread. "Suck me."  
Tony was instantly wrapping his lips around Steve's cock.  
Steve's heart was racing.   
"Oh God, Tony."   
After six months Tony knew exactly what Steve liked. Tony had an idea that at some point Steve would try a little sub/Master. And he was fine with that. Because there was one thing about Steve, he had to know both sides. So while Steve was Master now, soon he would do something to show or push Tony into that roll.  
Tony reached between Steve's legs to pull lightly on his balls just the way he liked it. He wanted to reach back and tug on his own, but that would be to stave of the building of his own orgasm not to add to it. Tony decided to add to Steve's game. He pulled free of Steve's cock. "Please Master. I need you." Tony whimpered. "Please I can't stay this way much longer." Tony draped himself over Steve's chest hitting at his neck, pressing Steve's tags into his chest. "Please take me, Master. Please fill me."  
It was Steve's turn to shiver and leak. Tony understood and was aright with it. "I can't fill you. You're not stretched yet." Steve reached over and grabbed Tony's balls, pulling hard enough to make him gasp but not hard enough to hurt him. "That's what you wanted. Not to be filled. You don't want this to end any more than I do." Steve snarled. "Put it back in your mouth and make me come while I stretch you and I'll think about filling you."  
Tony let out a sob, dropping back onto Steve's cock. Steve was to good at this. Tony was glad he was the permeant good guy. Erskine picked exactly right.  
Steve pulled on Tony's balls once more, but gently. The hiccup in Tony's breathing told Steve he should do it again but he decided to do it as a surprise.   
He instead trailed his hand along Tony's cock, gathering the liquid along the way. He knew he would have to get the bottle under his pillow but for now the was enough.   
"I don't know if you really want me to screw you. You're not being very convincing." Steve said. Damn Tony was right the other word sounded better.  
Tony whimpered and pulled out every trick he'd learned Steve liked. He was rewarded with two fingers pressed into his ass. He hummed at the feeling, he pulled off and worked Steve's cock for a moment, relaxing his jaw. He also took that moment to spread his legs wider, an invitation to Steve.   
"Wanton wanton little ... toy. Hmmm yep my little toy. I get to play with how ever I want." Steve had reached the bottle so drizzled the cold lube onto his fingers so it would pour into Tony's ass with out the chance of body heat warming it. "I haven't filled your mouth yet. Why would I fill your ass?"  
Tony gasped at the cold penetrating his body and the words said above him. Way to good at this! Tony ducked down and swallowed Steve to the root. He also reached back quickly coating his fingers in the lube that had trickled down his ass before pressing one into Steve.  
Steve shuddered as the cool finger entered him and he started to yell at Tony but choice not to as the figure pressed into his prostrate. "Your cheating. But it feels good so I'll let it go." Steve returned the favor brushing over Tony's glad with each pass. Tony slide another finger in him and rubbed, pressing just right.   
"Think we should bet a plug to put in there to keep you open for me." Steve voice gravel, from working on trying not to come.  
But Tony was determined, he pressed his tongue into Steve's slit while pressing his fingers into the precious glad inside.   
Steve had just added a forth finger to Tony when he came. He used his other hand to hold Tony in place, his fingers tangling in the man's hair.  
Tony heard the cry above him, and reached back grabbing himself hard to keep from coming at the sound his lover made. He swallowed everything he could but the first orgasm was always more than he could keep up with.  
He pulled free when Steve's hand went slack, unfortunately both hands went limp and Tony's ass was now empty.   
Steve flopped back onto the bed, him knees still bent. He knew this would be different but he was goo. He had to finish Tony after everything he'd started but he wasn't sure he had the energy now.   
Tony saw the blissed out look on Steve's face, but he also saw the still hard cock he lover had. That happened occasionally. Steve would be so stimulated he'd come and stay hard. "Master, I could take care of that for you. If it would please you."   
Steve pulled Tony down to him for a kiss, he liked the taste of himself on Tony. He moved his legs and pushed him away. Looking at Tony he said the word just two days ago he said he wouldn't, "Fuck yourself on my cock."  
Tony jerked at the word. A Cheshire cat grin spread his lips, as he spread his ass with Steve's still leaking cock. Once seated he leaned forward and kissed Steve while he grew accustom to Steve. He always pushed Tony to the limits but today Steve seemed bigger. Once he knew he could move without hurting himself he broke the kiss and told Steve, "I knew I could do it."   
"But your not doing it." Steve countered.  
"Maybe I want you to tell me again. I'm a bad sub I don't like to listen. Sometimes I have to be told more than once." Tony nipped a different spot on Steve's neck between each word.   
"And maybe I don't want a bad sub. I'm not the one who hasn't come yet. I'm still hard but it won't hurt if I don't come again."  
Tony moaned. That was not fair, and unfortunately true.   
Steve surged up bending Tony backwards until he had to move his legs. "Maybe I won't let you ride me. Now I think I'd rather control when you come." And that just what Steve did. For over an hour he pounded into Ton's body only to stop mid thrust when he felt Tony tighten around him. Tony was a quivering mess below him. He knew he was going to have to brave one of those sites and order a few items. He wanted to see Tony stuffed and leaking. He knew exactly which cock ring he was going to order.   
"Are you ready to come? "   
"Ye...ess." Tony stuttered out. He'd been ready since they started in the lab.   
"Maybe one more time." Steve pondered to himself out loud.   
Tony made a sound he couldn't describe. He couldn't take anymore.  
"Alright. I suppose you've learned your lesson." Steve said softly. He wrapped his hand around Tony's angry red cock and said four words into Tony's ear, "Please come for me."  
Tony's whole body locked up as he arched into Steve and came screaming. Steve came the instant Tony's body started to relax.  
He collapsed but his arms locked just before he dropped onto Tony.   
Tony slurred out the words, "I won't break," before lifting weary arm and dropping in into Steve's back.  
Steve couldn't keep his arms locked anymore, he carefully lowered himself onto Tony, sliding a little to the left to avoid the scars and the reactor. The pair fell asleep quickly, tired from their marathon.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feels, love, flowers and one hell of a steamy kiss.  
> Oh and Tony backhandedly proposes to Steve with Fury right there.

Steve woke before Tony. And pushed his face into the pillow. What the hell has he done? He tried to reason with himself. They hadn't done anything they hadn't already done. Except Steve had said that word, he groaned. His mother would have had at him with a wooden spoon and washed his mouth out with soap if she ever herd him say that word. She might have ignored a whispered damn, or even the time Bucky had said shit when he'd cut his hand on their metal baluster, but that word, never.  
Although given what he'd been doing with his mouth lately, he was pretty sure she would have just taken the strap to him.  
"Whatever your thinking please stop it. It's really loud." Tony's voice was awful. But when you're forced to moan, gasp and make all manner of sounds while your boyfriend keeps you from coming for a hour while on his dick, your voice is likely to sound horrid.  
"Please stop guilting."  
Steve turned his head and looked at Tony. "That's not a verb."  
"It is now, Catholic."  
"How is it you managed to turn that into an insult?" Steve sighed.  
"Because you let me. Stop. It was good. I'm good. Your wrecking my good. Now come over here and leave the guilt over there."  
Steve moved over to Tony. "I didn't mean to wreck your good." Steve whispered, kissing Tony's temple.  
"You can make it up to me. Just lay with me and go back to sleep. We haven't been gone long enough to drive Fury crazy yet. Give me another hour of good snuggles and we'll call it even." Tony hadn't actually moved a single muscle in all of that.  
Steve curled around Tony and tried to fall back asleep.  
"You can say five Hail Mary's and six Our Father's later and we'll take flowers to your moms grave as an apology."  
"How did you know I was thinking about my mom?"  
"You always do when you go Catholic on me." Tony said through a yawn. "She raised you right. You are a good person. Your are The good person. Erskine said so. Now shush, and think angry Fury." Tony was asleep before Steve could chuckle at his version if sugar plums. His lover had a screw or two lose. But then he was laying next to him dozing off, so he had the same screws loose.  
True to his word when they woke Tony asked JARVIS for the closest florist and asked them create a bouquet out of Steve's moms favorite flowers. Then he had to ask Steve what his moms favorite flowers were.  
They drove to the small cemetery where she was laid to rest next to Steve's father. Tony hung back by the car and let Steve do his thing. He wasn't good with parents, dead or alive, his or someone else's.  
He waited as Steve went into the rectory and he assumed confession. He almost wanted to hear Steve confess to their carinal sins and whatever else his soldier felt burdened with but he knew better. He was a dick but, he wasn't Loki.  
Steve came out a few minutes later and Tony sat in the car to wait. They drove back to the tower in silence. In the garage Tony picked up Steve's hand before he had a chance to get out.  
Tony fidgeted for a minute which scared Steve. Had he done something wrong? He had pushed to far. He knew it. Tony had taken him to his mom as a nicety before he said goodbye.  
Tony finally spoke and Steve's heart flipped in his chest. "I know the whole family thing is um well hard to do. If you want to talk about her it's fine. If you want pictures of her around the penthouse, I'm good with that. Um if you want to put a cross up somewhere, I'll figure out how to be okay with it. I want you to be comfortable. Oh well uh if you still want to move your stuff in that is."  
"Oh Tony no. I didn't mean, I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you think I didn't want us. Damn it, I'm not any better with the guys than I am with the gals."  
"I got that one." Tony said with a smile.  
"Yes Tony I still want to move in with you. I only have one picture of my mother but I would like it if I could put it out somewhere, no I don't need to put a cross up somewhere."  
"Okay was willing to work on the last part but not really my thing." Tony sighed.  
Steve smiled. "I know. Sorry about earlier. I was guilting."  
Tony smiled but waited Steve out, he knew the man wasn't done yet.  
"I miss her. Some days more than others. And well, I sort of pushed myself with all of that." Steve's face was getting warm. "I woke up thinking about what I'd done and what I'd said."  
"I won't make you ever say that word again." Tony said trying to be helpful and supportive.  
"Tony you can't make me say anything. I'm a grown man." Steve looked down at himself. "A really grown man. I've seen two different centuries and it looks I might see three. Most days I've adjusted to everything, but in the end I am still a man from 1945."  
"Hey I get it. We all have things or days that make us go what the hell? Just don't do it because of what you think I might be thinking. I figured you'd try that gambit out at some point. I was fine with it. All of it and would be again, on either side of the coin. And anything else your up to trying. You've got to have figured out by now, I'm not your average stacked brunette who's only up for missionary with lights off and just enough clothes off the get the deed done."  
Steve laughed, "Well that last part actually describes us more then it doesn't."  
Tony started to say something but stopped, tipping his head in thought and let out a breath he had apparently been holding, "No yeah you're right. We tend to not be totally naked."  
"Thank you for understanding." Steve picked Tony's hand and held onto it before kissing it.  
"Alright about that stacked brunette comment..."  
Steve shook his head, "Come on let's go find a furious Fury."  
"Do we have to?" Tony groused getting out as well. "I could just go find Bruce so we can figure of why their still numb."  
"Or you could tell me that they were numb to begin with." Fury said sweeping into the garage.  
"Shit." Tony had threaded his fingers through Steve's. "Jarvis your fired. You're so fired and your code is being re written, starting right this second."  
"Stark."  
"Uh no you don't get to bellow at me in my own home, tower, whatever."  
"Captain, when were you going to tell me you had started sleeping with Stark?"  
"When it was of your concern, Sir. I answer to you because I choose to. My personal life is just that, personal. Who I choose to sleep with has nothing to do with how I perform my duties. Obviously since Tony was hurt and I continued on, pausing long enough to secure medical treatment for my teammate. I hated every minute of it but I can still function as both Captain of the Avengers and Tony's..." Steve looked at Tony, "boyfriend."  
Tony smiled, this was such uncharted territory, the poor guy didn't even have a compass. "Boyfriend, lover, partner, mate. Whatever name you want to use. Hell through husband into the mix just for shits and giggles."  
Steve turned and looked at Tony. It took a second for Tony to realize what he said, when he did his face paled and flushed red at the same time.  
"Wow I just can't seem to keep from bringing that up all the sudden can I?"  
Steve shook his head.  
"Um that was not a proposal. Because I would do it way better if it was, which it wasn't so that's why it wasn't perfect. Because it wasn't. Unless it was perfect then it could be if you wanted it to be. But maybe you don't and that's okay to. Like the cross."  
Tony was rambling and Steve knew only one way to shut him up when he got the nervous rambles. So Steve kissed Tony in front of Fury.  
Steve heard Fury's coat trail out of the garage but he kept kissing his boyfriend.  
When they came up for air, Tony opened one eye carefully looking for Fury. "Is he gone?"  
"If your worrying about him, I didn't kiss you right. Going to have a do over."  
"Do over, what are we six?"  
Instead of answering Steve just kissed Tony again, he kissed the smaller man until he was moaning and gasping again.  
"Do overs are good, their fine." Tony croaked when they broke apart again.  
"Alright. So I'm going to do over that whole title part. You are my boyfriend. When we get to the point of living together without killing each other than we can talk about that other part and one of us can do it over. Though it was very sweet. But I'm sure you didn't really want to propose to me with Fury standing right there."  
Tony shrugged, "One benefit, he left again."  
Steve let out a hardy laugh and pulled Tony to his chest. "I love you Iron Man."  
"And what about Tony Stark?"  
"I would need a book as big as The Hulk to begin to put to words what I feel for Tony Stark. But in the end it would be blank, because Earth doesn't have the words to describe what I feel for you."  
"Wow, now that was perfect." Tony said a catch in his voice.  
Steve laid his forehead on Tony's, "And so are you.


	7. Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky just couldn't stay out of this one. So he shoved his way in.  
> Just like the jerk he is.

Steve left Tony with Bruce, with orders to figure out why Tony's chest was numb. 

He decided he would take the time and move some of his things to Tony's floor. He was in the elevator balancing three boxes when Thor stepped in.

"Do you need help?"

"Maybe." Steve's face turned red, "Tony asked me to move in with him."

"You blush so easily Captain." Thor laughed.

"Sort of not use to people knowing I have sex." 

"It does seem to be a constant topic of conversation on Midgard."

"Not on Asgard?"

"Oh do not misunderstand, it is a topic often and in great detail, but not the way it is here." Thor plucked the top box from Steve's stack.

The pair talked about the differences between the 1940's earth that Steve knew and today and the differences between Midgard and Asgard as they walked back and forth packing and moving boxes. There was a sizable stack of boxes in one of Tony's spare room by the time the others came looking for them for dinner.

Steve sat at the table to Bruce's curry. 

"So we have no idea why their numb." Tony said before Steve could ask. "We took the known combination and virtual recreated it and ran several trials. Nothing. Even added in the elements from the reactor, still nothing. Jarvis ran another scan of my chest plate and the blood to see if we missed something, but still nothing."

Steve stopped mid reach for his drink when Tony talked about the chest plate and his blood. 

"Sorry." Tony gave a chagrined smile. "I'm still here." He said with a half shoulder shrug.

"I know. We've kinda proved that...twice." Steve said softly.

"I gotta leave ya along for seventy years for you to finally get laid punk?"

Steve shot up and whirled around at the sound of the voice behind him. He was almost to the man before he pulled himself short. "Bucky?"

"Mostly." Bucky held out his metal arm. The long sleeved shirt covered the arm and the glove the hand but they both knew what laid beneath. Bucky took a deep breath, "I would say I'm sorry for the carrier but it's not even close to what I feel about that day."

Steve pulled his friend into a hug that few others could withstand. "I don't care. You're here. If that's what it took to get you free then I'll do it a thousand more times."

"Jarvis. We are going to have a talk about you letting in strangers." Tony said. "Glad you did this time but, still a warning." 

"Yes sir. He did ask me not to announce him in case he changed his mind."

"Tattle tail." Bucky grouched.

"I am sorry Sargent Barnes my first loyalty is to Mr. Stark."

"Uh huh. You know punk, you can let go. I'm not going to disappear."

"Shut up jerk." Steve swallowed but let go. "Where have you been?"

"All over. Cleaned up a few bases I could remember. Tracked a couple of the handlers I've had that helped Pierce. Found the Howlers."

Steve nodded. "Did that after the Battle of New York."

"Looked in on Peggy." Bucky's voice caught.

Steve shrugged, "I go visit her. Sometimes she remembers everything, sometimes..." Steve left it unsaid. "Look um, dinner. Come eat."

"Yeah you're still you. Still trying to feed me." Bucky chuckled.

"That you seem to have backwards Barnes you were always trying to feed me."

"Do you even remember what you looked like? You didn't even break a buck sopping wet in a wool blanket."

"Not sure I'm liking this reunion anymore jerk." Steve laughed.

"Right. So are you going to be a good host and introduce me or are you going to make Ma roll over in her grave at your manners?"

Steve introduced everyone, even knowing as the Winter Solider, Bucky knew who they all were. He left Tony for last.  
"And this is Tony Stark, he owns this big ugly-"

"Hey!"

"Ugly building that I've grown to love." Steve continued, despite Tony's outcry, "and my boyfriend." Steve added carefully.

"I sort of got that part." Bucky said. "He treat you right?"

"Jeez Buck. Five minutes your back in my life...five minutes."

"Would be five seconds and I'd ask the same thing." Bucky hadn't stopped looking at Tony. That was until Steve pushed him. 

"Big boy now. Bigger than you."

"Look boys, do I have to have two conversations about pissing contests in one day?" Natasha spoke up. "If either of them was screwing up the other we would have already had words."

"Natalia." Bucky cocked his head to the side, then shook it. "Sorry." Bucky grimaced. "Pieces some times fall into place with no warning."

"We understand." Bruce offered.

"I shot you." Bucky said slowly. He took a step backwards.  
"Yes. I won't hold it against you." Natasha said rubbing the scar.

"Come on eat. Bruce made curry." Steve tried to change the subject.

Bucky nodded and sat down in the chair Thor pulled over.  
The group made an effort to keep the topics light and friendly. They decided to give Bucky all the dirty details on Steve. The bad habits they've found he has, not rinsing his orange juice glass, even though he insists on drinking the extra pulp kind. Tony added the constant need to restock the protein bars that Steve eats all the time because he never pays attention to how many he eats. 

Bucky told them stories of growing up with scrawny Steve, told them about the first fight he pulled Steve out of. The first time he tried to enlist, the last fight he pulled him out of, the last time he tried to enlist.

After all the stories were told the moon was high and people were yawning. Steve asked the question he'd been afraid to all night. "Are you staying?"

"Um." Bucky swallowed down the dread. He still woke up screaming every night. He wasn't really ready for them to see him like that.

"You can sleep in my room. I, I moved in with Tony today."  
"I don't know."

Tony leaned in and whispered, "He has his own floor and each room in it is soundproof. You're not the only one with bad things in their heads."

Bucky nodded, "Fine."

Tony looked at the smile on Steve's face and his heart beat faster. It was the same look of joy Tony had when Rhodey came back from his first deployment. 

"Alright Steve show 'em the diggs. I'm going to, wow, I can't believe I'm going to say this, I'm going to go to bed."

Everyone went their separate ways. Bucky followed Steve, pulling on his sleeve until he was in the room with just Steve. 

"I can stay here if you want." Steve offered.

"No. Nightmares get kind of bad the first week I'm someplace new."

 

Steve nodded. "If you want in the morning we'll have breakfast. Just ask Jarvis where I am."

"Right. So he anything like Howard?"

"Some but mostly no. He's brash and he's got Howard's ego, well he's got an ego the size of Howard's." Steve corrected. "But after, after us, Howard changed. Tony barley knew him. He became angry and bitter. I don't know how much of that was me or the both of us and how much was just the life Howard had been living."

"I doubt I had much to play in that." Bucky said quietly.

"I know you guys only met a few times but he did ask about you when you weren't with me. 'Where's Barnes? He finally figure out he's got the brains?'" 

Bucky chuckled at the almost dead on imitation of Stark Sr. "Shit." Several flashes hit him and he dropped to his knees both hands gripping his head. 

"Bucky?!" 

"Fuck. Oh man." Bucky held his breath while he tried to keep from puking up the curry currently boiling his stomach. When it calmed down enough to talk, he said, "They tried to get me to kill him."

"Tried?" Steve asked.

"Still remembered somethings then. Uh, shit. Wouldn't do it. Tortured me for days. Couldn't tell you why I wouldn't, just wouldn't. Think that's when they figured out the last version of the wipe. I don't remember arguing after that. Maybe I did in the end."

"It was a car crash. I doubt they would have used you for that." Steve suggested. 

"No. I was always wet work." Bucky confirmed.

"Sure you don't want me to stay?"

"No. Go be with your boyfriend. I can see you're torn."

"This is hard for me Buck. Your here but he was hurt just two days ago. But your here!" Steve stressed him being here.

"Boyfriend comes before loser best friends."

"You're not a loser. You're a survivor. You are THE survivor."

"No think you've still got that title."

"I'm relinquishing it, jerk." Steve said pulling Bucky into another bone crushing hug.

"Get lost punk."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short one about Bucky.

Bucky sat next to the window, knife in his right hand. He was better. But he wasn't better. He knew it would be another day before he gave into sleep. He knew he would sleep for about four hours, wake up screaming and drenched in sweat. Shower and then do it again. It would go like that for a week or so. Then the nightmares would settle, and he would get five or sometimes six hours and then he wouldn't always scream.

He knew they were there, even if the door had never made a sound, even if the light had never shifted.

"So bullet or talk?" Bucky asked.

There was silence, the kind that would have driven him mad before.

"Govorit."

Bucky shifted towards Natasha's voice. "Haven't spoken Russian since the day after the hellocarrier. But if you want to talk, we'll talk." 

"Wanted to see what you would do." Natasha stepped out of the shadows from behind Bucky. 

"I wouldn't have come if I thought I'd try and hurt Steve again."

"That's good. I'd hate to kill you now that you've gotten free." Natasha said walking to stand in front of him.

Bucky shrugged. "Smert yest smert." Death is death, he'd bathed in it for to many years to feel otherwise. "How has he really been?"

Natasha heard the tone and was glad it was love, and only of the purest kind. "It was hard for him. You, by necessity were kept up to date. Steve went from a phone booth here or there to everyone having a phone in their hands. Went from a computer taking up a building to add two plus two, to one in everyone's phone. He went from being the one to die to being the only one alive. Well save Peggy, but..." Natasha left the rest unsaid about Peggy's Alzheimer's. "He wasn't really given anytime to grieve for you, for the others, for himself. He was shoved into a fight with people he didn't know, didn't trust." 

Natasha folded herself onto the floor. "He's better. He's adapted as much as he can. As much as anyone can ask anyone to. This thing with Tony... it has helped. These last few months, he's been more comfortable, more comfortable in his own skin. I didn't see them, but I saw its effects. Tony is good for him." She shrugged, "He's good for Tony to though. Tony is all over. He's twice as crazy as Howard. Because of Howard, because he grew up in the frozen shadow of Steve, of you and the Howling Commando's, of Peggy. Because he's twice as smart as Howard. Because of his torture, because of everything that makes Tony, Tony. Steve has seen all that and still...he still chooses him. I've seen him settle, saw it without questioning it." Natasha raised her eyebrows in realization. "Thought it was Pepper."

Bucky nodded. 

"Is it Tony or has he..."

"Have to ask him." Bucky shrugged. "Don't know if I don't remember or didn't know."

"It's better for him now. Not that anyone would try and lynch Captain America, but the world has changed." Natasha offered.

Bucky stared out the window. He asked the one question he shouldn't but had to, "How badly did I hurt him?"

"When you fell, I think it killed him. It killed his heart."

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

"He's here."

"Natasha." The name was a warning, she was pushing to much and his emotions were to wild for him to keep a leash on for long. 

"It won't help."

"It can't be as bad as I keep imagining." Bucky whispered, his voice graveled by emotions.

Natasha understood now, not all self flagellation. "Eight broken ribs, punctured lung, shattered left shoulder, shattered right eye socket, bruising so deep it took days for them to fade."

"And the bullets?"

Natasha hoped he wouldn't remember shooting his best friend in the back. "Through and throughs. Docs sewed them shut for one less thing for his body to do."

Bucky swallowed. Nodded and drained the bottle of vodka that had been at his foot.

"Does it work?"

"In my dreams."

"You have to sleep to have dreams.

"Exactly."


	9. Chapter 9

The silence drew on but Bucky knew the second she was gone. Bucky forced his body to fully relax, while he had presented a relaxed posture, he had been waiting for her to attack, for the shot to come, the knife fly, the needle to pierce. Something that would end his life. He wasn't sure why it hadn't come, he wasn't even sure he was glad it hadn't come. But he was glad it was off the table for this moment.

Draining the rest off the vodka Bucky let his head fall back onto the wall. He tried not to regret how his life had been screwed up, tried not to ask, why me? But there were time it was hard. This was one of them. There was a bit of programming he was still fighting, still pushing its way past Bucky. The part that said if The Winter Solider was loose for to long he should kill himself. He held the knife in his hand. It shook with the effort of keeping it from plunging into his throat. 

This was the single command that pissed him off the most. Not because he would be dead, Bucky was always dead when The Solider came out. No this command pissed him off the most because it showed how expendable he was. After all the money put into his arm, after all the effort put into his "training", after all of the decades of cryo, he was just to put a knife to his throat and die if he couldn't get back to them.

"Sargent Barnes?" Jarvis's voice came softly.

Bucky shook himself and flung the knife away from him not caring where it landed but knowing with in millimeters it's exact location. "What?"

"Would you care for a cup of tea? Dr. Banner has a blend he prefers after a battle. It's known for its calming properties."

Bucky laughed, "Are you comparing me to The Hulk?"

"No sir. The Hulk is a singularly terrifying creature. You are a man of terrible skills. But a man doing his best to not use them against himself."

"Figured it out?" 

"A calculated guess."

"I doubt you've ever guessed at anything ever in your existence."

"Correct."

"Know how to make it stop?"

"Perhaps, but I would have to run a series of tests."

Bucky nodded. "Can you stop me before I ..." Bucky didn't finish.

"If you are in this building, yes."

"Guess I'll be sticking around then." Bucky mumbled.

"It would be our pleasure, sir."

"Doubt it, but I'll let it slide." Bucky said his words falling softer with each one. 

"Certainly, Sargent." Jarvis said softly, letting the man sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Bucky woke to a warm pane of glass against his cheek and a cup of steaming coffee where the vodka had been. He didn't jerk at the change, but he was confused by it. 

"Figured you'd need that." Steve voice held a little to much mirth in it. Bucky turned and glared at him. "You probably want to take a hot shower to work out the kink in your neck from sleeping like that."

"How long did I sleep?" Bucky asked.

Jarvis answered, "8.4 hours."

"I haven't slept 8 hours since I left for boot. Let alone nightmare free in a new place. What did you slip me?" Bucky growled.

Steve stepped into Bucky's space, "Comfort."

Bucky jerked back, but Steve moved with him, pulling him into a hug. "We gave you comfort and let you be. Nothing more."

Bucky's voice was a ghost, "Can't, couldn't be that easy."

"Doubt it will be every night. But last night it was."

Bucky let himself be held. He only realized he was reciprocating when Tony walked in and said, "Hey he picked me first."

Bucky shook his head and stepped away, "Might be a little hard to believe since I picked him before you were even born. Hell, picked him before your dad could have even made you."

"I don't know that either of us picked the other but yes we've known each other for that long." Steve chuckled. "Though I do not need any thoughts of Howard in my head, thanks."

"Uh gross, I don't need them either. Howard equals off limit topic." Tony said dropping back to lean against the door frame. "So hey in other news, I want to look at your arm."

"This is news?" Bucky asked dropping on to the bed. 

"Alright not news just not the previous topic." Tony walked to the window and picked up the cup.

"You drink that Stark and I'll tie you to a chair and tell you every story I know about Howard, while drinking a pot of your coffee one sip at a time."

Tony stopped with the cup an inch from his mouth. He glared at Bucky, Bucky glared back. Tony visibly shrank and handed the cup to Bucky. 

Steve laughed, "Yeah, they taught you the best way to torture someone."

"Would have figured out that one before, just might not have done it." Bucky shrugged.

"Okay no more with the deceased father person. Shower, drink coffee, lab." Tony said as he left the room.

Bucky looked at Steve, "He mad at us?"

"Nope, he really does have 'daddy issues'."

"I don't remember a lot but what I do remember, Howard wasn't that bad." 

"Like I said, Howard changed. A lot. Come on, shower. If we leave Tony to long he will be mad at us."

Bucky nodded and drank the coffee in two chugs. 

"You hungry?" Steve asked at the doorway.

"Not yet but I'll need to eat soon." Bucky sighed. "I have to eat often." His face going slightly pink.

Steve laughed, "Like I don't?"

Bucky shrugged. "He make enough to feed us both?"

Steve laughed again. "And then some. They call guys like that 'sugar daddies' now."

"I bet." Bucky stripped and stepped into the shower. Then stopped. There were no handles, knobs or anyway to turn on the water. "Uh he's rich enough to feed us but not to have handles in his shower?"

"If I may, Sir?" Jarvis spoke and water started to fall from the huge shower head.

"Shit." Bucky cursed as he held himself tight enough not to flinch.

"I can adjust the water to any temperature and pressure." Jarvis explained.

"Uh hot and hard?"

"Certainly, I will raise the temperature until you notify me of the correct settings." 

"Uh sure okay." Bucky waited a few seconds and then said, "There. Right there."

"I will use these settings next time, Sir."

"Okay." Bucky stayed under the water as long as he could. But Steve's warning pulled him from the warm cascade, washing and drying quickly. Wrapped in a towel he walked into the room and sighed. 

"What's up?" Steve asked.

"I have no clothes except what I just took off."

"Oh hang on." Steve walked to his dresser and pulled out a few pair of sweats. "I don't think any of my pants will fit you but these should do until we find something." He opened another drawer and stepped back, "Those might be a little baggy on you."

Bucky nodded, "So now you're giving me your clothes and they are gonna be to big for me."

Steve smiled, "So now we're even." 

Bucky shook his head and pulled on the clothes. He wasn't sure what he was going to do for cash. He had only come across a couple thousand in the stashes he could remember. He knew that it's was even harder to now live without cash than in the 40's. And it wasn't like he could just go get a job. Hell he wasn't even stable enough to hold a job. He shook his head to keep the new set of problems from taking hold. He had hid from Steve and HYDRA for months he could figure out a lack of cash flow. 

"Hey what's up?" Steve asked, reaching out slowly and letting his hand rest on Bucky's wrist.

"Nothin'." 

"Right. Wanna try again? This time with work on believing it yourself."

Bucky tried to figure out what was bothering him. Maybe it was leftover anger from last night or just not being settled enough yet. He held his breath and forced it down.

"Look if you're not up to seeing Tony, he can wait." Steve offered, his voice soft and aiming for understanding.

Bucky sat on the bed and taking several deep breaths. "I need someone to look at it. It's not responding right. I'm just ain't settled yet. Or maybe I'll never be." Bucky ran an aggravated hand threw his hair, "I've got about two grand and no way to get more. I've got a fucked up metal arm and no clothes. I've got probably 30 grand in weapons but I couldn't sell a single one of them even if it meant I'd starve to death."

"Buck," Steve knelt before his friend, "after the carrier, I had Jarvis check into a few things. Your back pay and benefits were never claimed. You're not broke. You've got, uh Jarvis?"  
"Sargent James Barnes has 4.3 million dollars waiting in an account for him. I have handled all the paperwork and I only need his signature on three documents transferring it to an untraceable account in the Caimans. I have also taken the liberty to have identification created mirroring your own Steve." 

"Thanks."

Bucky raised an eyebrow.

"I have a license that says I was born in 1985. It lists my name as Steven Grant Rogerson."

"Sargent Barnes says 1984 and that his name is James Barnette Buchanan."

"Very imaginative on the names."

"We kept the initials the same to not worry about anything monogrammed. Also similar should one of us slip up...can always just say it's a nickname or something." Tony said from the door. "If I'm being pushy just say so. You do not have to do anything on my time table."

"It's fine."

"The documents have been printed in Sir's lab. I can have money couriered over in an hour if that will help."

Bucky swallowed back the emotions he felt. In a day he had gone from alone in the world, with no identity, no home, almost no money, to having an apartment that could house the entire building he grew up in, his best friend, who had a team that probably support him as well, and a couple million dollars.

It hit him like a load of bricks and he crumpled to his knees, Steve was next to him in an instant, Tony the next.

"Buck!"

Bucky drew in deep breaths trying to calm him breathing down. Everything was to much. After the decades he'd endured this was to much like a final break. The one he wouldn't wake up from if he was taken back.

"Bucky?" Tony's voice was soft. He was pretty sure he knew what Bucky was going through. "It's alright. You're safe, you know that. HYDRA's dead. You and Steve killed it. No more heads. Even if there is one left, everyone in the building will fight to the end to keep you from them again."

Tony's words hit Bucky, he turned to the man, "'Till the end of the line?"

Steve stilled at their line. 

"And beyond." Tony added. "Come on, Buzz lets get you up and on the bed. Tinkering can wait. You need more sleep."

"No. I'm ok. I need to keep busy for a bi-"

"Alright no sleep. I wouldn't want to either. My lab and you let me play with that hunk of junk they try to pass of as superior tech."

Steve tried to glare at Tony without buck seeing. Tony saw it and shook his head.

"Your boots?" Tony asked. "Lab is not the best place to be barefoot and fancy free."

"Bathroom." Bucky answered, his voice small.

"Alright sit on the bed. I'll get boots, Steve will get socks." Tony pulled Steve with him. And mouthed one word, "nightmares."

Steve's eyes went wide at his stupidity. He nodded slightly and retrieved the socks. He held them out for Bucky, but his friend didn't acknowledge them. Steve knelt and worked a sock on before Bucky snapped back enough to huff at Steve's attention.

"I can put on socks." Bucky tried to growl.

Steve ignored the wounded sound his friend made. "I still got a lot of mother-henning to repay. How many times did you bury me in layers of clothes and every piece of bedding you could steal? Huh? It's just a pair of socks."

"Never kept a count."

"Neither did I. Not going to now either."

Tony waited in the bathroom until Bucky calmed down a little. Steve had been with him a few times with his PTSD but he had it under control, mostly. Bucky didn't. They were going to have to see what type Bucky was; the lash out at everyone, the lash out at only trusted ones, or the hid away and pretend it never happened type. Tony tended to waffle between the last two.

Tony stepped out of the bathroom and knelt down next to Steve, he pulled the knife free from the hidden sheath and handed it to Bucky. He didn't comment, just pushed the shoe on the cotton clothed foot. He pulled the zipper on the side up and took the knife back from Bucky and returned it to the sheath. 

Steve was careful and repeated Tony's actions. 

Tony stood up, using Steve's shoulder as a leaver. "Damn I'm getting old." He muttered to himself. 

Both soldiers heads snapped up in his direction. 

"I am. You realize I'm older than he was when you met him?" Tony asked, specifically not say his name.

"We should have known him then," Steve says standing, pulling Tony into a hug, "We might have made your childhood better."

"Uh Steve? Please no thanks. I prefer this. Other wise you become the really creepy older uncle and I had one of those. Didn't turn out so well."

"Like we would have let that happen either." Steve added.

"No Obie, no Ironman." Tony shrugged.

Steve nodded in understanding. Every thing is as it was suppose to be, didn't mean he had to like it or to not wish it was different.


	10. Chapter 10

The trio went to the kitchen for more coffee before making it down to the lab. Tony sat Bucky down at a bench and had him run through a few dexterity and strength tests. Bucky tried to remember any results from previous test but was more and more destressed when he couldn't.

"It's fine. Not a big deal. I've done better with less." Tony assured him. Then mumbling to himself, "Let me see what I can do with this."

After a few minutes Tony rolled away and cleared off a bench then set out a blanket from the couch on it and called Bucky over. "I'll need to get a different stool for you, so for now why don't you lay down. It'll take some weight off."

Bucky raised an eyebrow at Steve who just shrugged. Bucky laid down on the bench and Tony started tinkering. 

Bucky closed his eyes to the over head light directly over his head and was asleep before Tony found the release to the control panel. Tony smirked the second he felt Bucky relax. 

"You're sneaky." Steve whispered. 

"Yep." Tony chuckled. 

"Was this the plan the whole time?"

Tony shrugged. "Was the second he sat in that chair and tensed up. Might be why he couldn't remember any data. To much like some handler demanding information."  
"You're better at understanding him."

Tony turned to Steve, reaching out he pulled him close and wrapped his arms around Steve's waist. "Being tortured might have something to do with that."

Steve petted Tony's hair, "I wish you didn't remember any of it." He said in hushed tones.   
"Some days I think that would be better but in the end I know not knowing what was done would have driven me mad." 

They stayed wrapped around each other for a few minutes of comfort but Tony wanted to try to get things figured out while Bucky was asleep so he pulled away but stood and kissed his lover before returning to the sleeping assassin.

Tony checked as many things as he could with out moving the arm. There were a few servos that needed to be replaced that Tony had on hand. A few wires that had started to corrode but he wasn't sure what replacing them would do to Bucky, so he cleaned them the best he could, all the while Jarvis took scans of the arm and watched for any discernible reactions from Bucky. 

Bucky woke about two hours later. Tony had done what he could, so was now designing a new arm, while checking into the latest in neurological implants and cybernetic relays.

"Give it a try. See if that's any better." Tony said, not even glancing at Bucky.   
Steve looked up from the couch where he had been sketching. He watched Bucky sit up and rotated his arm, moved it around, fling it out as if throwing something, most likely a knife, after what he'd seen in their fight.

"Much."

"Couple bad servos, some nasty wires. I don't want to push but do you know how they have it worked into your nervous system?"

Bucky tried to remember. "I did the first one. But this is the fourth."

Steve cringed. 

"First wasn't all the way to my shoulder. Was just past my elbow." Bucky touched about three inches past the bend. "Think it was the third that they took it this far." Bucky ran a hand threw his sleep tussled hair, "Vague memory of a bad fight, debris hitting my shoulder, shattering the socket?"

"That's why the tech looks newer, maybe in the 90's?" Tony asked.

Bucky gave him a blank look. "I barely know what year this is."

"Right. So I think between Bruce and I we can create something better. Well no, I know we can. The problem is neither of us have doctorates, in you know, doctoring." Tony shrugged.   
"You need someone to install it?" Bucky tried to clarify.

"Yeah. And clear up a few points for converting electrical impulses to neurological impulses.

"Wait, what kind of doctors are you?" Bucky asked realizing what Tony had said before.

"Oh between the two of us we have seven doctorates but none of them are in medicine. Bruce has a couple in biology but not actual medical. He bitches a lot that we ask him to play doctor."

"So why does he use the title Doctor but you don't?" Steve asked. He had always wondered but never bothered to ask. 

"Um ego. I have a huge one and if I made people call me Dr. Stark I would never hear the end of it. Besides the press hates remembering how many I have and at what ages I got the first couple."

"They seem to hate anything that isn't the playboy part of your image." Steve said heavily.

"Pretty much. Doesn't help I egg them on." Turning back to Bucky, "I know a woman. Dr. Cho, she's a geneticist. But she's really good at this. She's our go to guy - gal." Tony corrected. "Anyways. Would you be alright with her coming in and looking at your arm and you?"

"If she's who you think you need."

"Yes." Tony answered swiftly, "Her staff is some of the best in the world. And well after Steve's little show and tell with SHIELD, she's still willing to work with us."

"It needed to be done." Steve crossed his arms over his chest. 

"No. I get it. There are a few things I'm glad Natasha dumped before she put all of that out there though."

Steve was confused. "She hid things?"

"Well, the notes on your serum, the specs SHIELD had picked up on my suit and the repulser engines, and the reactor, for starter. Oh and everything to do with Bruce."  
Steve was confused, "But she left all of her files."

Tony shrugged, "I know. I don't know if she didn't have time or what. Oh and Clint's family, that stayed secret."

"You knew he had family?" Steve asked, surprised. 

"Hmm, yeah. After Loki, he ah, he had a nightmare. He'd fallen asleep in the commons area. I tried to wake him up. Came out swinging, screaming 'No not Laura'. Sort of had to tell me then. Said he never understood why Loki hadn't made him hurt them"

"Because at the end of the day it didn't give Loki any power." Steve suggested. 

"Could be." 

Bucky shifted, still on the table, "She hid you all, it was her way of protecting you."

"Should have been able to protect you all in '45."

"You can't save the world single handedly." Tony offered, "trust me tried that route, it doesn't work well."

Steve just cocked an eyebrow.

"Fine you win."

"Call your doctor." Bucky said interrupting the small tete-tete. 

"Jarvis?"

"She is currently in surgery but I will place the call as soon as she is out."

"Thanks J."

"Now what?" Bucky asked slipping down from the bench. 

Tony handed him his shirt. "You and Steve go feed those super solider stomaches and I bug Bruciebear." Tony smiled, closing out the file he'd been working on. "Jarvis flip everything up to Bruce. Let him know I'm coming in hot. Well I'm always hot, but..." Tony winked at Bucky and pulled Steve down to take a kiss from his lover. "I promise to try to remember to eat."

"You will. I'll bring you both dinner."

Tony kissed Steve again and left.

Bucky shook his head, a half smirk half sad smile on his face. "Good thing you got the serum, other wise I don't think you could keep up with him."

"I can't." Steve countered. "Even with our stamina I could never manage to do what he does, even if I could come up with the things he does." Steve wondered towards the door. "The first time I met Howard... I could feel the energy pouring out of him. He fidgeted the entire time, well that I could see," Steve thought back to the day in the basement of an antique store, "I thought it was nerves. The more times I saw him, the more I realized it was his natural state. But after getting to know Tony and seeing how he is, Howard was a statue. Even when Tony's still, he's thinking up seven more inventions, twenty more upgrades for inventions he's already made or our armor."

The pair walked into the kitchen, Natasha was there, "Speaking of, tell your boyfriend that he can't take mine."

"They're designing a new arm for Bucky." Steve explained. 

"Don't care. He gets him for six hours then I get him. We have plans." Natasha said, slicing onions.

Steve noticed she wasn't shedding a tear, he randomly he wondered if she even had tear ducks.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a thank you for 10+k hits...  
> SEX. A bit of a heart to heart between Bucky and Steve at the beginning ...no not that kind.

Steve spent the day with Bucky. He was still slightly skittish but generally appeared adjusted. They talked of the old days, some of what Steve had found since waking, and even a mission or two that Bucky could talk about without locking up. Steve debated telling Bucky about what Tony had said. "You know Tony was only telling half the truth when he had you lay down?"

"Yeah." Bucky said softly, "He knew I was slipping."

"We're here, if you do we'll wait with you 'till you're back."

Bucky shrugged, he didn't know what to say. It was nice to here, but he wasn't sure he wanted people around him when he was like that. It would be easy to slip further and try and finish the last mission. "I, don't, I don't want you to stay if I do. For a while." 

Steve's brow furrowed in confusion. 

"I don't think I would hurt you. But when I slip I'm not me. I don't want to come out of it and find out I finished."

"Oh Bucky." Steve pulled Bucky in and hugged his friend, "You won't. I know you won't."

"Stevie." Bucky sighed. He hadn't planned on telling anyone but he needed Steve to understand. "I'm not free, Steve. They're still here." He tapped his temple. "There's still things I fight with every second I'm awake, every second I'm away from them." 

Bucky pulled away and walked to the window. This was something he kept forcing himself to do. It had been repeatedly beaten into him to stay out of sight, stay in the shadows, not give away HYDRA. Those last missions with Fury and Steve he'd had direct orders to make a big of a splash as he could.

"They added a fail safe." 

Steve went still, afraid of what Bucky might say.

"If I was away from my handlers to long..." Bucky turned to look at Steve, leaving his back to the glass, "I'm suppose to commit suicide. Not just slash a wrist, because if I'm found fast enough, I could be saved and used against them. No I'm suppose to take my knife," Bucky palms said knife from seemingly no where, and hold it to his throat, "and-"

Steve bolted across the room and hold Bucky's hand with barely half an inch from his neck and the blades edge. "Please don't. Please." Steve's voice broke. 

"Haven't yet. But if I slip and hurt you-" Bucky left it unsaid.

"You won't." Steve reaffirmed. "We'll ask, there has to be away to break all of it."

Bucky shrugged. What would he be then?

The pair sat down on the couch leaning into each other shoulder to shoulder. After a while Bucky said, "You should go feed Stark."

"I should feed all of us." Steve corrected.

"Not hungry. Don't think anything would stay down right now." Bucky stood up, "I'm going to try to sleep again for a while. Go find your punk and feed him."

Steve watched his friend walk away. He felt like a heel for bring up Tony. Steve got up to see what was in the kitchen. 

The problem with sharing a kitchen with this many people, the pantry was often left with weirder combinations than what they tried to cook with during the depression. Finding nothing that would keep him from being hungry in a hour he called for take out, the pizza that Tony loved but never bought for himself. Said he couldn't, Ray's was the last pizza Stane had bought him. The team tended to order from them as often as they could to try to disassociate it from the bastard. 

Steve met the delivery kid in the lobby, tipped heavily considering the six pizzas the kid had just lugged around. Steve dropped off three in the kitchen for the others to ravage and took three to the penthouse. Then he trekked back down to the labs and watched Bruce and Tony long enough to know nothing was going to explode if they left. He walked over to Tony and wrapped his arms around Tony's waist. "You have about five minutes before Tasha comes down here. You better be done or I won't have a boyfriend anymore."

Tony scrunched his face, "On that note, Bruce. It's been lovely. Go play with your girlfriend before she eats me."

"We only do that when we're having babies." Tasha's voice said from the doorway.

Tony did not squeak. He would never accept that the sound had come from him. Had to have been a mouse or something...

Steve laughed and pulled Tony along behind him, "He was just leaving Widow."

"See that he does or you will be a widow before your a ... Well you two can decide who gets what moniker." 

In their room finally Steve asked, "What was Tasha talking about?"

Tony chuckled, "Who's the husband and whose the wife."

Steve shook his head, "Thought you answered that when you said, well."

"When I said we both caught." Tony offered. "Though she called you a widow not a widower soooo, if the moniker fits." Tony smiled as he wrapped his arms around Steve's waist. "Plus you've got the better hips, Captain Dorito."

"Please let that one die, please." Steve begged. 

"Nope. Your fans have spoken, the data computed, it's true." 

"I bought you Ray's and this is the thanks I get?"

"For Ray's I may beg forgiveness but I won't take it back." Tony countered, looking around for the boxes. Spying them on the coffee table, he kissed Steve's cheek and left him for the warm goodness that was dough, cheese and sauce.

Steve wanted to talk to Tony about a few things but kept talking himself out it. He wanted to tell him about what Bucky had told him, about trying to find someone to help him break the rest of the programming. But he also wanted to talk to him about what had happened between them. He understood Tony was alright with it but he still felt a little bit bad about not talking to him before hand.

"Spit it out."

"What?" Steve asked, brought out of his thoughts.

"Tell me what has you a mess while your trying to wear your pizza." Tony pointed to the cheese and topping that were about two seconds from landing in Steve's lap.

"Shot." Steve grabbed the mess and wrapped it around his fingers to eat. Instead Tony reached over and sucked the cheese from Steve's fingers. Steve took the opening and said, "Um was sort of thinking about that."

"Me steal your pizza toppings?" Tony asked in confusion. 

"Well no, um the uh sex part of that." Tony's face was still showing his confusion. Steve sighed and set his now crust only slice down.  
"There are...sex things, that we should talk about. But I stammer so damn much when I try to talk about it that...I sound like an idiot."

"No you don't."

Steve tipped his head and gave Tony the yeah right stare, he knew he did.

"Okay a little bit." Tony relented. "Make a list." He offered. 

"A list?"

"Yeah a kink list, people do it all the time. You don't have to say anything. They have spreadsheets and everything. You mark what you've done, what you want to do and what you will never do."

"You've done one of these?"

"Not for a long time, never showed it to anyone. It's more a relationship thing or a scene thing."

"Not sure which is worse handing you a paper of things I'd like to try or telling you." Steve sighed again. He took a deep breath, sat up straight and said, "No, if I can't talk to about these things then I don't have any right asking for them."

Tony felt for Steve, he'd seen so many people fight with their inner hall monitors for lack of a better metaphor, that was something he'd never been burdened with, but he could understand it. "Alright, so how about you tell me one and I'll tell you one?" 

Steve nodded, "No laughing."

Tony shook his head, "I'll promise to try not to laugh, but I wouldn't laugh at you, just maybe the mental picture my brain might come up with."

"Fine. Um so the master thing we did."

"Naw that doesn't count, already knew that one." Tony smiled at Steve trying to cheat.

"Brat." Steve grumbled, "Orgasm denial?" He almost whispered.

"Oh good one, see how long you can go? Could be fun with the serum. So bondage is good for me."

"Being tied up?" Steve wanted to clarify, it wasn't something he figured Tony would appreciate with his past.

"Yeah doesn't make sense with Afghanistan and all but, it works. Sort of, it's been hard for me to find someone I trust that much, but not worried about it with you. Next." Tony said rubbing his hands together.

"I might want to try that but it would be hard to find something I can't break. So wax?"

"Will you quit saying it like a question. The only thing I won't try is skat."

"What is that?"

"Don't worry, you won't want to either, and trust me you don't want too look it up. As for bondage there are certain knots that would use your efforts against you and if you use enough of them, doubt even you could get out. And wax is a good thing, temperature play is nice. Doubt you'd be up for straight ice play but going between hot and cold, again serum..." Tony shivered at the thought of warmed and frozen glass balls. "Right me, spanking or flogging, back, butt, all good. Managed to come from just that a time or two."

Steve nodded, he looked at his hand, "Not sure about that. I don't want to hurt you."

"You start light and work your way up. Some times repetition is better than force." Tony explained. 

"Okay. Um toys?" Steve flinched and then resaid toys with a bit more certainty.

"What kind?"

"I was thinking, the denial, you wouldn't be able to," Steve waved his hand, "you wouldn't be able to have sex with me the whole time." He pushed through his uncomfortableness, "so if you had other things it would help. But I don't know what would be best." So he sort of skirted the question.

"That's cheating again. I saw what you did there. So wait here." Tony said eating his last bite of pizza before wondering to the bedroom. When he came back he had a trunk. He dropped on the floor next to Steve's feet. "These are all new, so you don't need to get creeped out. Pepper and I had talked about things but then well life and we never got around to things. I can get other things if that makes you uncomfortable."

"No, it's fine, if it doesn't bother you."

"No, it's fine." Tony popped the lid and Steve stopped breathing. There were a half a dozen dildos, three or four plugs (he thought that was what they were), beads on a string and stuff he had no idea what were. 

Tony took everything out and set it on the coffee table. "So dildos, all shapes, all sizes, some vibrate, um plugs again all sizes, well not all sizes but an array. Couple egg vibes," Tony turned one on and dropped in Steve's lap with an evil grin on his lips. "Anal beads, rope, cock rings, even a cage, 'cause I thought why not. Oh look a flogger, and a paddle, I bought a crop?" Tony held up the item in confusion then set it aside with a shrug. "Gags, no I like hearing you to much. But you might want to try them on me."

"I might now if you don't stop." Steve groaned. He'd been fidgeting trying to get the little egg shaped vibrator out from between his legs without hitting Tony in the head with his knee. Tony reached up, the smile back, and wrapped his fingers around the egg, then he palmed it over Steve's cock. 

"You know, we can start on your first thing now? Right? Can keep winding you up, telling you how I want to use each thing on the table. Kind of bleeds into what we did earlier to. I can tell you to fuck your hand while I open you up, so I can fuck you with the toys, keep you open with one of the plugs." Tony popped the button on Steve jeans, pulled the zipper down, "Think that might work for you? Hmm, think we can keep you going for, let's see goals are good, see if we can keep you coming for a half hour."

Steve shivered, he couldn't answer, he lifted his hips up. 

"So if we're going to go this way you need to pick a safe word, because your going to say no, but your not really going to mean no, your going to mean no don't stop, but if you have a word that you don't say during sex and you say it I'll know you need to stop now. Some people also just use green yellow red."  
"I say it and you stop?" Steve groaned out. Tony still had the egg in his hand rolling it back and forth over his cock, now only covered by his thin boxers.

"Yep. Word or colors? Colors green means good, yellow means hang on a second, red means all stop."

"Colors for now," Steve voice was getting higher, breather.

"Alright. Might ask you if you're still green off and on, make sure I'm not pushing to much." Tony warned. 

Steve nodded. 

Tony took the vibe away and Steve shivered. "Up, strip." Tony got up and disappeared to come back with a towel. "Here or bed room?"

Steve swallowed, "You pick, Master."

"Ohhhh. Full on huh? Bed, floors killing my knees."

Tony stuffed everything back in the box and waved for Steve to pick it up. When Steve bent over, Tony ran his finger up Steve's cleft, pressing down as his finger went over Steve's hole. Steve sucked in a breath and stopped. Tony took the invite and rubbed the pucker a few times then swatted Steve on the ass cheek. "Go."

Steve shivered again as he stood up. Once in the bedroom he waited to see where Tony wants him to set the trunk. 

"Far side, foot of the bed, open towards the middle."

Steve thought that was a no-brainer statement but kept it to himself. He was sure Tony had a reason for saying it.

"On the bed towards the headboard, stomach for now."

Steve crawled up onto the bed and laid down. He turned his face towards the door, so he wouldn't know what Tony was reaching for.

"Good boy." Tony kissed Steve's shoulders as he climbed up and straddled him. He started giving Steve a light massage. As he worked down Steve's back and reached his ass he worked the cheeks more than usual, making sure to drag the oil he was using over Steve's ass. Tony watched Steve relax and stop thinking about what they were going to do. Tony picked up the little egg first, turned it on again and ran it over Steve's ass pressing down but not in. Steve's breathing changed, he could here more whimpers and sighs. He was impressed with the fact that Steve was still and wasn't trying to rub on the bed. 

It took about ten minutes but eventually the egg sunk into Steve and Tony pressed it in deeper. Steve gasped and moaned. 

Tony moved off Steve, "Roll over."

Steve's whimpered but followed the order. 

Tony wrapped his hand around Steve's cock. "When you get close you will tell me. If you come that's it. No trying again." 

Steve shuddered. "Yes, sir."

"God look at you. You're a fucking mess." Tony ran his hand through the pre-come wetting Steve's stomach. "How much more did you get all over the bed? Can't wait to see you all tied up. No place to go but the end of my cock." Tony watched Steve's face blush red. "Going to fuck you till you can think about sex with out looking like a radish. Yep." Tony reached for one of the smaller dildos, drug it over Steve's ass. 

Steve gasped, "No... No. Oh too much. No." His head thrashing.

Tony felt the pulse of Steve's cock and pulled away hitting the button for the egg.

Steve kept gasping, moaning, and the leg furthest from Tony hitched up and straightened out a few times. "Ah oh. Oh that...of God Tony."

Tony smiled, "Good huh? Wait 'till we've done that a few times. Just say green when your good to try again."

Steve nodded, taking a few deep breaths, then he spoke, "Green." His voice shook.

Tony turned the egg on again and Steve keened lightly. Tony pulled the string pulling it to the inside edge of Steve's rim then pushed back in a few times. Steve made soft little hmmm sounds. "So beautiful. Such a good boy. Tie you up cover you in wax, fuck you with the biggest dildo, make you beg to come. That something we can add to your list? Begging?"

"Yyyyes." Steve slurred out.

"Tell me another thing on your list. Tell me and I'll jerk you off again."

Steve whined, there wasn't much on his list yet. He moaned trying to remember something he hadn't said yet. "Ah, outside."

"Outdoor sex? Really Captain America."

"Under the stars." Steve managed to say.

"Better, didn't think you'd go for public sex." Tony worked Steve's cock again. "Tell me one more."

He shook his head this time, "Don't have more."

"Come on you can think of one more."

Steve shook his head again, "More time," he groaned out.

"Fine, I'm a fair Master. But I'm adding five minutes on to your time."

Steve cried out at the thought of going another second with out coming let alone five more minutes on top of what he had left.

"Your idea." Tony reminded him. He picked up a larger dildo and replaced the egg with it. The look on Steve face was comical. He went from bereft at the loss of the egg to overcome by the dildo. "So to even us for the outdoors added to the list, blindfolds. Another thing that's hard for me."

Steve couldn't think, he felt strung out, he remembered feeling similarly when he'd have an asthma attack. He might be starting to panic but he didn't want it to stop. 

"Steve are you okay?"

"Maybe llow. Cat bre." Steve slurred.

"Shit. Wow. I fuck okay." Tony pulled the dildo out.

"No." Steve cried. "Plea!"

"Sweetie you can even talk in full words."

Steve reached for Tony, his hands shaking, he pulled him down so he could kiss him. "Don sto. Hurt."

"Okay I'll make it better." Tony pushed into Steve and kissed him. Less than a minute later Steve came, screaming. It didn't take more than four more strokes for Tony to follow.

Steve was wrung out, but his heart raced. His eyes wanted to shut but wouldn't stay closed. Everything was loud but muffled. Tony kissed his forehead and he arched into the feeling.

"Oh baby. I'm sorry I didn't think you'd fall. Not like that, not so fast."

"Hm?"

"No we'll talk about it later. I'm going to clean you up and we're going to go to sleep." It took a few minutes but Tony curled up around Steve as much as he could, rubbing and kissing what he could reach. Who knew Steve Rogers was submissive enough to find sub-space the first scene-y time. He'd found it but didn't know what it was so didn't let go enough to get there. Tony felt Steve relax and listened to his breathing settle into sleep, Tony gave him one more kiss and followed him.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone keeps asking for more Thor.
> 
> Well I hope this is acceptable.

Bucky got as far as the elevator before the first wash of dread rolled over him. He shook his head. There would be no sleep for him right now. Steve had shown him a gym, he decided he'd go beat on something down, wear himself out some, then try to sleep.

When he walked in he found Thor already there running through a kata of some kind. "Ah, Sergeant Barnes, care to spar?" Thor said standing up full, turning towards the door.

Bucky shrug, "Why not? And just James. Not a sergeant anymore."

"Of course. Would you prefer hand to hand or a weapon?" Thor asked.

"Hand to hand. Not ready..." Bucky let the sentence die. "Hey Jarvis, that conversation we had? That happen here to?"

"Yes, sir."

"Fine." On the table, next to the door, Bucky dropped three knives before pulling the two free from his boots. 

Thor smiled at the display, "Our Natasha is similarly armed."

Bucky suddenly buckled, catching himself on the table, gasping he said, "I taught her." Thor was at his side quickly, steading him but not coddling. Bucky appreciated that. 

"Another memory?"

Bucky sucked in a breath and nodded. "She was so young, scared. I had my arm-" Bucky broke off and stalked over to a heavy bag, he hit it once, watched it swing.

"Come, the captain is the only one who can match me. Let us see if I have two worthy opponents."

Bucky rolled his shoulders a few times, then spun and sprinted at Thor, he landed a solid punch in Thor's chest driving him back, but the next was a glancing blow as Thor stepped out of range at the last second. 

Over the next hour, Thor landed three punches to every one of Bucky's, but neither man backed down. 

Bucky danced three steps out of Thor's reach and twisted his hair back on the fly, then flipped landing on Thor's shoulder, he reached back with his metal arm to land a punch but was suddenly upside down, head inches from the floor. 

"Clint likes that perch to much." Thor laughed, letting Bucky fall to the floor, gently.

"Misjudged that arm length apparently." Bucky grumbled, scrambling to his feet, to feel an arm wrap around from behind him.

"Aye." Thor smile spread, then he reached again wrapping his arm around Bucky pulling him up in to the same hold Steve had used on the carrier. Thor released Bucky when he screamed. "Oh my friend." Thor gathered him back up and held a panting Bucky as the memories raced through his mind.

Bucky didn't say anything, couldn't say anything. He was locked in that fight. He heard the deep mountain rumble of Thor's voice, the higher tone of Jarvis, but he had no idea what was said. He registered that he was being moved but only a few steps. He felt the water bottle pressed into his hands and then as it was guided to his lips. He drank it but never felt the coolness on his tongue, just the burn as he swallowed. His throat ravaged from his scream. When he finally came back it was to the sound of Thor's voice. 

"...Volstag, he threw the boar down with a chuckle and proclaimed it a late evening snack. The boar weighted more than the six of us. We asked him for which night, for it would take no less then two for the beast to roast."

"Thanks." Bucky said when he could get his throat to work again.

Thor smiled, "I was happy to keep you company, James. I offer my apologies for the actions that caused its need."

Bucky rolled his shoulders. "The flashback hurt. It was different than with Natasha. That, I was getting the memory back, this ..."

"You uttered a few words. You said 'you are my mission', the Captain has told us of your fight with him. You relived that fight, did you not?"

Bucky nodded, "Every hit."

"There is a thought I have been pondering. I am sure Heimdal will hear and send word to me, I am curious if our healers would be of help."

"Help what?" Bucky asked his voice still raw.

"Returning your memories to you, so they do not cause you harm. I am not well versed with their abilities. My mother would have known," Thor's smile was sad, "even my brother. Both would have been able to help you. I have no such talents. I tried once as a child to make a flower grow to give to my mother. I believe you call them snap dragons on Midgard, they are a favorite of Lady Darcy." Thor shook his head, the smile growing, "I did not work the spell properly, it turned into a bramble the size of a steed and ambled about the grounds, it still lives there."

Bucky snorted, enjoying the mental picture of a giant snap dragon running around Asgard, it was a much better picture than what was usually in his head. "You're how old? How big is the thing now?"

"I have seen many centuries." Thor laughed, "the bramble never grew past its original size. It wonders the garden grounds leaving purple petals in its wake. My mother smiled each time she saw the creature."

Bucky pictured it, keeping the other thoughts at bay for that much longer. He jerked when he felt the blanket drawn over his shoulders, he hadn't realized but he'd started to shiver.

"Let us find something warm to drink? Bruce has a tea that he enjoys. The others seem to find in comforting after such a event."

"Bruce and his tea..." Bucky sighed.

Thor raised an eye brow in question. 

"Jarvis mentioned it."

Thor nodded in understanding. They left the gym, Bucky still wrapped in the blanket. Thor nodded to the bar as they entered the kitchen. "I have become accustomed to Tony's kitchen, even Jane's. Jane's reminds me of Hogun's home. Simple only what is needed, Tony's reminds me of home, every convince, even if not needed. But yet everything gets used." Thor spoke as he set the water to boil, and pulled the loose tea from its place. 

Bucky listen to the sound of Thor's voice, it was deep, reminded him a bit of Dugan's. He had remembered DumDum just before he went to the museum, the bowler, the cigar, the bourbon, all of it, when he walked past a bar. The others came along later that day. He tore apart the building he had been hiding in from the grief of knowing they would all be gone, then screamed at the joy that they would never know what he had become. He jerked when the cup was placed before him.

"Steve once told me what his Dr. Erskine said, that his serum made bad worse and good better."

"Guess we know which I was." Bucky said.

Thor put a hand on Bucky's until he looked up at Thor, "Do you? The serum you were given was not Steve's. But since the fall of HYDRA, you have done nothing but destroy what was left of it. Have you harmed anyone needlessly since the fall?"

"No."

Thor nodded, "You did not go back to them. You did not go to them." Thor said stressing the word go. "You were never them. They kept you wiped because they knew which you were. If you had been as Schmidt had been, you would have been given your rein, free to help create the chaos they courted. Instead you were put away and used as they saw fit. You James are good."

"Maybe I can see it."

"Keep looking my friend, you will see it as I have. As the others have." Thor smiled softly. "Drink, then we will see if there is sleep to be had this night."


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony check if there's any aftermath from Steve's trip into subspace.

Steve woke up feeling groggy and about three hundred pound too heavy for even him to carry. He'd been beaten, before the serum and after, he'd never felt like this. He was bone weary. He wanted to roll on to his side but the effort seemed too much. He could feel eyes on him, but since he'd gone to sleep in Ton - their room, he knew who it was.

"I know you're awake now." Tony's voice was soft, quiet in the way it was only when Steve had been hurt. "How do you feel?"

"Achie, heavy." Steve whispered, not bothering to open his eyes. He felt the bed shift, Tony's hand in his hair. This made him stir, he turned his head into the palm and rubbed his cheek into the strong calloused scarred hand.

"I need you to to sit up and drink something, okay?"

"Don' wanna muve." His words slurred, his Brooklyn accent coming out more than it had in almost a century. 

"I know you don't. But it will help with the aches. Please baby?" 

The tone in Tony's voice prompted Steve to sit up enough to drink, eyes still closed. He felt the cool glass touch his lips and drank the syrupy drink Banner had concocted for him for after a battle. Something to do with the electrolytes and vitamins he burned through. "Wh?" 

He heard the glass being set down and felt both of Tony's hands on his face. 

"Look at me." Tony said, his voice edging towards stern.

Steve turned to his voice and slowly opened his eyes, blinking heavily at the dim light to his right. 

"Jarvis drop the lights a little further." Tony was glad he had put on a heavy shirt blocking the light from the reactor.

The lights dimmed a little more and Steve opened his eyes fully. "I wish I'd know. But you didn't know." Steve could see Tony searching for something, he wish he knew what it was so he could give it to him. "Steve, sweetie, you're a sub." Tony's voice made Steve feel like he should understand what he meant. Steve just felt more confused. 

Tony leaned down and kissed him tenderly. "You found what people call sub-space, or head space. It's a mindset that certain people can get to through sex, pain, sometimes a combination of the two. I think you got there but didn't know what it was, so sort of panicked. Do you remember telling me you thought you might be yellow? That you couldn't breathe?"

Steve nodded.

"That was it. It scared you, so you stopped. You jerked yourself away. This, now, is because of that. It'll take a bit to wear off, couple hours more I think. Might feel a bit tired for a day or two." 

Steve blinked at Tony. He was trying to understand what Tony was saying but the words were mostly just washing over him.

Tony smirked. "I'll tell you again when you’re more alert." He picked up the glass again and nodded at Steve. 

Steve got the hint and sat up so that he could drink the rest of the glass. It felt heavy, even after it was empty. 

"It's alright. Lay back."

"Stay."

"Wasn't planning on going anywhere." Tony pulled the shirt off and laid back down with Steve and held him close. "You know you are the bravest man I know. Everything you do, you give everything you have. You are the most beautiful person I've ever met." Steve flinched, so Tony backtracked a little, "No, I mean you as a person. Yes your body is the epitome of perfection, but you, your soul, is beautiful. Everything you do is with the thought of making someone else happy. You take so little for yourself." Tony kissed Steve's forehead. "You make me feel like I can keep trying to be better, because you would never spend time with me if you didn't believe I could."

Steve knew he needed to say something, to reassure Tony that he loved the man. But words failed him. Instead he fumbled for Tony's hand, then he did his best to guide it to the tags hanging between them. He wrapped their hands around the skin warmed metal and pressed the back of his hand to the reactor, he moved closer, their hands trapped between their bodies. 

"I love you to." Tony whispered.

The pair closed their eyes but didn't sleep, just held onto each other. Steve ended up being the first to shift away. Things had started to settle and he realized that he had to pee. Now. He carefully got up and waited to see if the works was going to shift, but despite the feeling that it should, it stayed put. He used the wall as a guide, making it to the bathroom without incident. 

Tony watched Steve carefully walk to the bathroom, each move deliberate, and each move requiring a thought. He ran a hand over his face. Why didn't he think this could have been a possibility. Steve was always in command, there had to be a time where he would want to shut it off. Tony sat up and followed Steve into the bathroom. He found Steve, one arm braced on the wall behind the toilet, leaning heavily, eyes closed. Tony wondered if it would be better for them to try again, now that he knew, to get Steve all the way under, so that he could lose this sluggishness. But he decided that it might make everything worse. They'd let Steve level back out and try again when he was on an even keel. Instead he stepped in the shower and turned the settings to what Steve preferred, stinging needles of molten lava. He heard Steve flush and Tony stepped back out. He circled his hand around Steve's forearm and guided him into the shower. The second the water hit Steve's back he moaned in ecstasy. 

"That is the most beautiful sound I've ever heard." Tony whispered, his hands resting on Steve's chest.

"I didn't realize how cold I felt until I felt the water hit me." Steve dropped his head so that it rested on the top of Tony's. 

"Hmm, could be a couple reasons. One of them not being you were just lying on the bed naked without covers."

Steve let out a half of a snort, "Since I sleep like that half the time?"

"Yes, you walking boiler room."

There was a ghost of a smile but Steve didn't have much energy to put behind it just yet. He felt Tony's arms wrap around him, then felt him flinch as the water hit his arms. Steve stood up blocking the water from hitting Tony in the face. "Jarvis, Tony's settings."

"Belay that. I'm fine. I'm not going to melt. Not like I'm made of sugar or something."

"But you are and spice and everything else nice."

"Did you just call me a girl?"

"No just that you can be sweet like sugar, and you always smell like spice. And you can be very nice. Besides I'm not up to going back to that debate." Steve sighed. 

Tony chuckled, "Like it matters. Still can't change my name."

"Could hyphenate." Steve whispered. His energy dipping into his reserves, just from standing. "Need to sit down soon."

"Okay baby. Let me wash you really fast. Then while you put on some clothes I'll change the sheets, okay?" Steve just nodded. 

Tony was quick and efficient, had them both washed and rinsed and out of the shower in under five minutes. He helped Steve back into the bedroom. Steve used the dresser to lean on while he pulled on rarely used soft cotton sleep pants, and the softest t-shirt he owned. Tony was by his side the second the shirt hit his hips. He had a bottle of water and a power bar in his hand. They walked to the bed and Tony nudged Steve to eat. Once he was done they curled up again. 

"Any more clear?" 

Steve shrugged, "A bit."

"You okay to talk?"

"So long as you don't make me stand up for a while."

Tony smiled, "No, I won't. So the other day when you-"

"When I catholiced?"

Tony snickered, "Yes, when you went all Dom on me, did you feel pushed?" Tony asked, "I mean was it hard for you to act like that?"

"Not any more than just talking about sex. It felt right at the time, if that helps."

"It does. The way you reacted tonight, slipping into sub space like that, I just wanted to make sure that you weren't a big mess." 

Steve shook his head, "No. I feel alright now. Tired, a little but I think a couple more hours of sleep and I'll be fine. I'm guessing that it surprised you?"

"A little. But really it make sense, a lot of leaders are submissive behind the scenes. They spend so much energy leading, that given a chance they let the weight rest on someone else. I played a little more with that when I ran Stark Industries, but I drank a lot of the stress away, so I didn't need that as much."

Steve wasn't sure what to say. "Is it something you need? Now?" 

Tony shrugged, "No, not so much. It can be fun, but no, I don't need it."

Steve rubbed Tony's arm, "If you do..."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve's still all uccky after not falling. It's not a great feeling. So he's got to wait it out, and what better place than in the arms of his boyfriend?

Morning came and a few members of the team were a little slow in greeting it. Bucky stayed in bed, watching rain slide down the windows. Tony watched Steve sleep off the last of his lethargy, the room still dark. Thor lounged on his balcony awaiting for a signal from Heimdal. 

The others noted the lack of the two pairs but kept their thought to themselves. Clint and Natasha made waffles leaving them on the counter for the missing members to heat up. Bruce fried bacon and did the same. 

When Tony and Steve finally made it down, they found Bucky staring at the food. "Buck?"

Bucky turned to Steve, "Hi."

"You sleep okay?"

Bucky's only response was a shrug. "Skipped the night terrors." Of course he didn't mention the flashback he'd had. 

Steve smiled and patted Bucky on the shoulder. "That's great. Maybe you just needed to find some place safe."

Bucky shrugged again, then he started paying attention to his friend. He watched Steve and saw the deliberateness of his movements, the thought behind setting the coffee cup down with out breaking it, moving the plate a few inches instead of feet when he nudged it. "What the fuck, Steve?"

"Told you he'd notice." Tony mumbled as he tried to drown himself in coffee.

Steve shook his head and kept getting the breakfast warmed up. Bucky asked twice more, Steve shook his head each time. Once he got everything reheated and set out he answered Bucky. "Just found out something last night and still trying to shake off lingering effects."

Bucky turned to Stark, "What did you do to him?!"

"Not my place to explain Buzz. It was private and you know how easy he's embarrassed." Tony explained with a shrug and a third cup of coffee.

Bucky, that he could remember, hadn't had a temper before the war. But now, well, it was legendary and on a short fuse. "Somebody better explain why Steve looks like he can't handle his strength again right now or so -"

"Oh for Christ's sakes Buck." Steve snapped. 

Bucky jerked and stopped. Steve hadn't snap at him like that since they hit puberty. He thinks.

"We found out I can go to, hell, someplace in my head with sex. It's making me sluggish today. There, happy?" Steve picked up his plate and left. 

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?"

Tony didn't quite know what to do. Go after Steve or keep Bucky occupied long enough for Steve to calm down. He opted for the second. "It means that Steve is a submissive. He can very easily find sub space. We didn't know and played a bit at it last night. He found it, it scared him, he jerked away, and now he feels like crap, and is having to focus on simple tasks."

Bucky shook his head. "Sex had him all fucked up?" It didn't make any sense.

"Yes. Not to stir your crazy but," Tony paused and took a deep breath, "HYDRA hurt you. They beat you. Did you stay present during the entire thing, or kinda lose reality for a bit?"

"You beat Steve?" Bucky growled.

"Listen to the question. Not what you think I'm saying." Tony said hands up in surrender.

Bucky thought about Stark's words and answered, "Best guess things got hazy."

"Right, Steve got hazy last night, just from sex. Though to totally honest it was amazing sex but just sex."

"That's a thing?"

Tony shrugged, "For certain people it can be. Never imaged he'd be one of them. We sort of goofed around the other day with him ordering me around, he wanted to try it."

Bucky got up to refill his coffee. "There's this memory, I think it's a memory. But, when we were kids he couldn't stand anyone telling him what to do. Except me. Sort of. Stuff around the apartment was okay but on the street, he was just as libel to take a swing at me as some other mook telling him what to do."

Tony nodded. "Something like that."

"We were never like that though." Bucky's voice was hushed.

"Did you want to be?"

Bucky shook his head. "No. Girls were good for me. I know there have been men since I fell. But it wasn't really my choice."

"You told anyone about that?" Tony asked, swallowing past the anger.

"Wasn't nearly what your thinking. All of the last 70 years wasn't my choice. The women weren't my choice either." Bucky poured more coffee into Tony's cup, "Go find him. Tell him I'm sorry. I'll tell him later too."

Tony nodded. He waited until he was in the elevator to tell Jarvis, "Take me to Steve."

The elevator dropped down and Tony was mildly surprised when it took him to the shop floor. Stepping into his space he found Steve on the couch, bunched up into a tiny ball of flesh for someone so big. His plate of food to his right on the low table. Tony sat down next to Steve, setting his hand on Steve's knees which were drawn up tight to his chest. 

"Bucky's sorry. You know he's still a mess. He's going to be touchy. Especially about you." Tony watched Steve sigh heavily and turn and look at him. "Come on Howard mentioned how much of a mother hen he was then."

"I know. It was just hard to deal with the dregs of last night and his attitude." Steve winced. "Dregs was not the right word."

"No it is. Coffee leaves dregs." Tony waggled his eyebrows.

"Fine." Steve laid his head on the couch back.

Tony frowned. "Still tired?" Steve only shrugged. "Eat. It'll help a bit."

"I don't know if I want to try again if I'm going to feel like this." Steve said softly as he reached for his plate.

"You shouldn't next time, if you want to try again. You didn't fall." Tony rubbed Steve's leg while tried to figure out the best way to explain it. "So you're all amped up for a huge long drawn out fight. Right. You're in the middle of the street surrounded but a couple hundred bad guys. You take on ten and it's a viscous fight. Your adrenalines up. Then poof the other 190 are suddenly dust. How do you feel?"

Steve shrugged with a head nod, "Relieved. But antsy."

"Right. So, this is a sub version of antsy. You can't concentrate, you've got no energy. If you'd fallen you wouldn't feel like this. If you'd finished the fight..."

Steve shrugged again. "Okay."

Tony felt so guilty right now. It was his fault. Steve finished his breakfast but it seemed like a chore. When he was done Tony leaned against the arm of the couch and held his arms out, hoping Steve would understand the offer. He did and curled up in Tony's lap, resting his head on Tony's shoulder. It was a little crowed on the couch but good none the less.

The pair sat like that until Tony couldn't feel his legs. "Babe we have to move. I can't feel anything past your hips."

Steve smirked. He was feeling better than he had since Tony set the trunk at his feet. "They are nice hips."

"Perfection carved in osmium." Tony kissed Steve's temple, "No seriously get off. I can't feel my legs."

Steve kissed Tony's cheek as he moved from Tony's lap. "I can do that all day."

"Haha. Feeling better I see."

"A bit."

"Good go find Bucky so you to can apologize to each other before he decides to slink off again."

"Tony he never slunk off."

"I know I just want to hear you say slunk."

Steve shook his head, his boyfriend was nuts.

"That was what I was after," Tony said standing up slowly, desperately trying to ignore the pins and needles racing up and down his lower extremities. 

Steve's face scrunched in confusion, "What?"

"You smiled. I wanted you to smile. Then I'd know everything was alright."

"Close to it. You were right I just needed a bit more time."

"Go." Tony pushed Steve towards the door.

"Going." Steve smiled over his shoulder.

"Good."


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short sappy one.

Steve found Bucky in the gym. 

"This isn't how I pictured you coming back." Steve said leaning against a boxing ring post.

"I don't imagine any thing any more. Safer."

"I'm sorry I snapped at you."

Bucky swung twice more at the heavy bag he was sure was Steve's. "I'm sorry I snapped back. I'm not exactly stable."

"You were stable?" Steve asks a grin lighting up his face.

"Fuck you, Rogers."

"Nah."

"Naw you'd rather Stark do it."

Steve shrugged, "You okay with that?"

"You happy?"

"Yes."

"I'm okay with it. Never would have cared, other than it would have gotten you hurt before."

"I'd had 'em on the ropes." Steve chuckles, popping the ropes next to his shoulder.

"I'm sure of it. 

Steve walked around behind the bag and grabbed a hold of it, "Come on, but your back into it."

Bucky snorted, "Yeah, sure."

Steve watched his friend tear into the bag, he could see the strain in his features. "You still fighter yourself?"

"Every second." Bucky paused long enough to shrug on shoulder, "Thor says they got some advanced healers on their world. He's got a call in to see if they can help."

"Comen' with."

Bucky leveled a look that said 'no shit' but kept at the bag. Then his eyes flickered and he stepped back from the bag. Steve dropped the bag but not his guard. "Buck? You alright?"

Bucky stared at the floor for a minute then shook his head a few times. He drug in a giant breath and answered, "Yeah, sorry." He shook his head a couple more times. "Haven't done that for a while." He sank to his knees and dropped his head to the floor.

Steve walked over to him, "You alright if I touch you?"

"Yeah. It's okay punk."

Steve sat down with Bucky, "What happened?" Steve dropped a gentle hand on the back of Bucky's shoulders rubbing soothing circles in between the blades.

"Blanked. No nothin'. Just back. First time I did it... I woke up passed out because I apparently wasn't even breathing." Bucky growled a little before he spoke again, "By nothing I mean nothen'. If I don't snap out of it quick enough, uh certain voluntary functions become non-voluntary."

It took Steve a minute to get what Bucky was say but the second it did he wanted to kill HYDRA all over again. Steve tried a little levity, "He was a perfectly good Bucky and you messed him up so much you gave him anxiety. Anxiety."

"Did you just quote a meme at me?" Bucky rolled his head so he could see Steve through his hair.

Steve reached out and moved Bucky's hair and slipped it behind his ear, smiling, "You gonna laugh at it?"

"Hell, no it's a shitty meme."

"Then no I didn't quote a meme at you. I didn't say a thing and you're hallucinating. Alas poor Bucky, I knew him well. Before the madness took him. " Steve managed to say through his smile.

"You're an ass Rogers. An ass."

"I've been told recently it's the best on the planet. Though pretty sure we could bounce a quarter of yours." Steve looked towards Bucky's ass.

"Alright ya damn fairy. No looken' at my goods. You got your own to gawk at." Bucky sat up and covered his cheeks with both hands.

Steve laughed flopping back onto the mat. "You're my brother, asshole. I've never once thought of you like that. Closest was thinking I really liked your hair when you first started using pomades."

Bucky sat on his ass and looked at Steve. Of what he could remember there had always been a line about Steve, a line of rigidness, a stick up Steve's ass for lack of another description. He'd been a swell guy, the best pal a guy could hope for. But he'd never really let himself go, never had a belly laugh, a full on heart clenching snotty faced sobbing cry, he'd never given anything his everything. Except that he had, Bucky understood in that second more about his friend than he ever had before.

And now the line was gone.

"You love him."

Steve rolled on his side and looked at Bucky, "Well ya. I wasn't ever going to be like you Buck, a different girl every week. I waited 24 years for Peggy. Then I lost her, and here," Steve shook his head a little, "it's not about love anymore. Hadn't been for a long time. But Tony, as crazy and wild as he is, was," Steve corrected, "with his affections... he showed me that he loved me in so many little ways. Still does. He, I, Buck, God I can't even put it into words." Steve rolled onto his back again, looking at the ceiling, "When it's just us, he can make the whole world just be him. But not in the way he does with the media. Tony draws you in so close and gives you so much attention that you don't want to see anything else. Because everything else is so ugly in comparison."

"I'm glad you found each other Stevie. You deserve to be happy."

Steve looked over to Bucky, "So do you."

"Not yet, but some day."

"At least you are willing to believe that you can be."

"I'm screwed up. But it wasn't my doing. So yeah, I can be happy some day. Maybe even a little but now. But I still got a lot to make up for."

"So have we been girly long enough we can go do something else?" Steve sat up laughing.

"Yes please." Bucky groveled. "Love ya punk."

"Back at ya jerk."

"End of the line and all that?"

Steve nodded, "Yeah because we apparently are good at that."

"Leave it to us."

"God, could you imagine Dumdum's face?" Steve asked.

Bucky shivered, "Aw man, he'd be gobsmacked. Loose his damn stogie." 

"Then chew us out cause it was his last." 

"Denier would look at Gabe like he mistranslated something." Bucky added.

Steve dropped an arm over Bucky's shoulder, "Poor Gabe would have to tell him no, his English was just fine. Falsworth would just shake his head and pretend he didn't know us."

"Damn Brits, no emotions."

"Hey." Steve said a little hot, "Peggy's British."

"No actually she's American now." Tony said appearing at the door. "Was naturalized in '52."

"Well she was when she was -" Steve stopped. "She was when we knew her."

"You can say yours Steve. You don't get upset about Pepper." Tony let the smirk show.

"Seems bad form. She never really was mine."

"Well come on, the Spy twins have something. You to Barnes."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for my first Ten Thousand + hit story.
> 
> I am working a good sex scene as a thank you.


End file.
